Thursday, October 29, 2009

I feel as if I am slowly awakening out of a deep,foggy sleep. You know, the kind of sleep that slowly fades away, and you lay in bed with your eyes closed...wondering if it is really time to get up? Yes, welcome to my world.

A wonderful world it is, filled with 6 little ones, one of which is a newborn. (Thus the foggy sleep). I wouldn't trade little Hannah for anything, but my, I've forgotten how precious sleep is to a nursing mommy. There are mornings when I get up after feeding her...AGAIN...and I think, "Wait a second...I haven't slept yet?? It's morning???" I feel like I am sleep-walking through my day. My brain cannot hold a thought for more than a few seconds, and it seems like I'm always forgetting what I was going to do...make sense?

The pictures are from a recent trip to an apple orchard. Ellie loved the bunnies they had out for the children to pet. That is David above her on my left. Little Hannah is underneath the quilt! (I made it by the way...isn't it CUTE!!!??) As soon as I can remember to get batteries for the camera, I will post some more pictures of Hannah.

We are also preparing to leave soon for Belize. On November 17th our flight leaves. The day before...our container will be loaded and sent off. We are in the midst of going through our things now, labeling them and packing them in boxes for the container. Kevin has lots to do as well, finalizing travel arrangements, selling our van and trailer, phone calls, and other things I am not even aware of. He keeps telling me, "You just take care of the baby and yourself..." but he is also such a blessing to me helping out when he can with the other kids. God was good to give me such a loving and caring man.

It seems like I went to have the baby, and the leaves were barely beginning to change. I blinked my eyes, and now they are almost GONE! It has been a busy fall for me!

I've enjoyed doing a lot of baking lately. This morning we all enjoyed some pumpkin pancakes and sausage. Yesterday I made 2 huge loaves of Banana bread. The day before I made some homemade wheat bread. If anyone has a great bread recipe, please share it with me! I love working with yeast breads, and this is a great time to try them out on the family!

I'm sure these next few weeks will fly by as well, and we will be leaving. If you think of us, say a prayer that all will go well with our final plans. Thanks!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A thousand words...and then some...: Assignment #10 - Discovery

A thousand words...and then some...: Assignment #10 - Discovery

Thoughts on Discovery

This latest writing assignment from:
has been on the word "Discovery".

I have thought this over in several different ways. The discoveries of children through life. The enjoyment that comes simply watching a child discover something for the first time. I read Kayte's blog and pondered the discovery of God's love for me, how it all came about in my life. I've thought about it while driving to the grocery store... and wondered at the vastness of the word discovery. Today, I came to the conclusion to write about the discovery of myself and who I am.

As a child, I was always looking for acceptance. The things I did or did not do, was determined by what the adults in my life would think of me. As a teenager, some of the same thinking played into my actions. In college, my thoughts turned more toward how I could please God with my life. I wanted to be all I could for the Lord. In my twenties, as a young adult, I lived in a bubble, trying desperately to be that "person" of perfection who had it all together, (whatever "it" was) striving to be who I thought I was supposed to be. As a young married woman...I aimed to be exactly the kind of wife I thought my husband needed. With motherhood, my goals did not change, they were just redirected at someone else, my children. I wanted to be EVERYTHING I thought they needed.

While these goals are all noble and good, while striving to be everything I thought everyone else needed, I lost touch with WHO I really was!

I have discovered in the past 10 years of parenting, the past 12 years of marriage many things...about me.

I have discovered:

I am not perfect. Nor is anyone else on this earth. I cannot be perfect, God made me with strengths and weaknesses. Although I will be working on those weaknesses for the rest of my life and some will become strengths...I will then discover other weaknesses...and thus life will go.

I have discovered:

God created me for my husband. Though many times in my mind I have envisioned the type of woman that would be best for my husband...and tried desperately to become that woman...the truth is my weaknesses, and his strengths seem to fit like a puzzle, we compliment one another. We are a team. If I try to "be" like the woman in my mind...I lose touch with who I am, and forget all that I do have to offer to my marriage.

I have discovered:

God has blessed me with children, because He believes I am the best mother for them. Again, though I do have weaknesses that are constantly being worked on...God gave me these children. He believes in me. Even though I may sometimes feel inadequate for the job, or it seems like I am a failure in some way or another, I have discovered I have what it takes to rear these children, or God would not have given them to me.

I have discovered:

Who I am is ok with God. I do not have to strive to be someone else, whether a real person or made up in my mind. Do not misunderstand me, I do think we should always try to be better in our lives in different areas. I also believe that who I am, my strenths, my weaknesses, my quirks, my irritations, the things that I love and dream about...they all make me who I am...and that is what God loves about me. If I live my life pretending to be something I am not, I miss out on feeling the love of God for who I am. I have

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Home again

So now we are both home for good!! How nice it is to have us all together again. Now it is time to get back into the swing of life...homeschooling, chores, routine...etc. etc. We also have a huge move ahead in the future as we move to Belize, Central America and begin working down there. Life comes fast.

I have found with Hannah's arrival, I am thinking more and more of when the other children were first here. I am saddened with wonder, at just how quickly time has gone by. Derek is now 10, and it seems only days ago, we brought him home as new parents. I'm sure the extra motherly hormones are contributing to this, but I just want to love much. I want them to very precious they are to me.

There have been times, when tired and weak, I have just looked at one of my children and cried, because I was too tired to correct them, but I knew I must. "Please, just do right, and we won't have to go through this again..." I'm sure that has been the heart's cry of many women through the ages. In all of my training and discipline, I hope, I pray...that they will always know they are loved, and wanted VERY MUCH! With this new baby, the desire to be more loving, more caring, more understanding, more patient, more those I love, has swelled within my heart to a point of consumption...

May it consume me every day, to be better.

I've had many older moms tell enjoy these days, they go by far too quickly. But...I want to do more than just enjoy them. I want to be right, to do have memories of loving my family...enjoying THEM. I want to remember laughter in our home. I want to remember love in our home. I want to live I may not have a tomorrow. I want to love today, like there will never be another time to love.

"Lord, help these dear little ones that you have blessed me be loved by a Godly mother, who seeks YOUR heart, YOUR mind, YOUR love for them. Forgive me for being impatient at times. Give me a greater capacity to love...make me more like YOU, for their sake."


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