Friday, April 24, 2009

Such Love

Perfect love casts out fear. It does. So why do I fear? As of late I've been faced with a nice dose of reality...about me. As I was thinking about an overwhelming situation (to me), I thought and prayed, "Lord, I just cannot do this! It is impossible for me! I'm sorry Lord, I'm not what I should be, I'm not as strong as I should be, and I don't have what it takes to do THIS!" Then I cried, saddened by the awful thought of my own failure and inability to be what God wanted me to be. The entire day was miserable. In my heart of hearts, in the deepest corner of my a longing, a simmering please my Lord. When I realized there may be something the Lord wants me to do...that I simply COULD NOT just devastated me.

I've thought on this all week. I've prayed and apologized to the Lord for my weakness, my inabilities, my failure to be what He needed me to be. As I prayed the other day, once again pouring out my heart to God, in the stillness of my tears, the Lord impressed upon me another perspective I had not thought of.

God has always known my insecurites. He knows my feelings of failure. He knows my weaknesses, my strengths. He knows about my emotions, my desires, He knows my heart and soul. He knows what I am truly afraid of and He even knows why. And yet, my heavenly Father believes in me. He is all-knowing...and He believes in....ME! Would He ask of me something beyond my ability to achieve? Would He ask me to do something He already knew I couldn't do?? Absolutely not. Therefore, if He asks something of me...although I feel insecure and fearful, weak and unable...if He asks me, then He believes I am able. He believes I am strong enough. If my Creator, the One who knows me, believes in me...why should I fear? I know He knows me better than I know if the Lord believes in me, He is right and I am wrong. I am able to do His will for my life no matter how difficult it may seem or He would not ask it of me. I really trust Him. I believe He loves me. I believe His word. How can I fear with a love so real and so strong?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Breathe them in

I'm not sure if it is pregnancy hormones, but somedays seem to be a little more nostalgic than others. Today it was smells. I was very much aware of scents that I have always loved. Some that I had not really thought of, but they still bring a warmth to my heart just to breathe them in.

Coffee brewing in the morning, the smell of the rain on a dreary overcast day, homemade waffles cooking, a baby's neck after a bath, and candles. This is a new one to me, that I never realized I liked so much, but, white clothes that have been bleached, coming out of the dryer. I absolutely LOVE clothes dried outside on the line (however, it rained all day today). I am so thankful that God put within my heart the ability to enjoy such simple things. I've met so many, who just don't. I hurt for them sometimes, to think of all they are missing out on.

In my mind, I think, within the heart of every woman, is a strong pull to be a Titus chapter 2 woman. To be sober, (disiplined in our thoughts) love your husband, to love your children, to be discreet, (minding our own business) chaste, keepers at home, good and obedient. In our day and age it seems that everything being taught to young women is almost opposite of all of this. Many women are not content, and are being pulled in all directions to succeed, to do it all...full time job, housekeeper, wife, mother, community leader, church helper...etc. etc. Do we miss out on the simple things, because we are so busy doing other things? Do women today, have the time to enjoy the smell of coffee brewing, or are we doing too much? Doing so much, but enjoying so little.

There are days when it seems I am doing, doing, doing, for EVERYONE!! I give to my husband, I give to my children, I give to others, I give time for the Lord...and at times I begin to get a little frustrated wondering..."WHAT ABOUT ME!" When I take the time to just slow down...I realize I am called to serve. To serve my family. When I focus my mind on this task...serving, I feel peace and contentment in my heart, in my duties...and I enjoy the simple things that come my way.

I've often thought about the end times, the millenium. When Christ will rule and reign as King. How will He want our homes run? What will our roles be? What will please the King of Kings? Could I try to do some of that please Him with my life, with my role, with my duties? What is it that we will enjoy in those our everyday life? Is it possible to enjoy those things now? Will we enjoy the simple everyday things in our lives? I think so. I think the Lord made us to enjoy many things, if we would just slow down and take the time to breathe them in.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Have ya ever said something to one of your children and then thought, "Did I just say THAT???" I have, many times. Someone may need a good laugh today, so I thought I would share my "momisms".

"Son, you CAN'T THROW FURNITURE!" (spoken to a 3 yr old, who had hurt his knee by running into an old flimsy coffee table, then shoved it. I walked into the room, as it was tumbling over.)

"Quit climbing the wall please." (one of the boys was actually scaling a wall in a hallway.)

"Did you just wipe boogers on your brother?"

"Quit eating all of your toys, or you won't have ANY to play with!" (we have one son who was worse than a puppy, he chewed on everything!)

"Son, you cannot do that, you need to use your brain and think..." 4 yr old child whispers to his brother, "I don't even know what a BRAIN looks like!"

I'm sure I have many more written down in a journal somewhere in storage...maybe you'll see a book someday with the title, "Things you should never have to say to your child." Or better yet, "Things you never THOUGHT you would have to say to your child"!!

Have an onion!

I'm not sure why, but Ellie has been really interested in onions this week. I keep my onions on the bottom shelf of a microwave cart, and she found them. I suppose it may have been the way they crackle when you peel them, or maybe the sound the entire bag makes when you move it around. I found her contentedly sitting on the ground while I was cooking, with the bag of onions between her legs. I was curious as to what she was doing, so I just watched. She peeled each little layer of crinkly skin, would look at it, smash it a little, then throw it to the side. This went on until she reached the white part. It was like she really didn't know what to do next, the crinkly stuff was all gone. Then she held it up and smiled at me. I told her it was an onion. Then she tried to take a bite. She never broke the skin, but just smiled. That was a couple of days ago. Tonight, she did it again, though she has yet to taste them fully. There were onion peels all over the kitchen...little white onions rolling all over the floor, and one little girl, happy as can be.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Things that matter...

Prioritizing. How many times have I heard an older woman say to me..."Honey, your children are only little can have that spotless house in order when they are grown and gone. Take time now to enjoy them while they are little. Sit and play with them. Soon they'll be gone, and you'll wish you would've let the house go sometimes to enjoy them, but it will be too late." Having 5 children, it seems I've had to accept the fact that I wear a sign that says, "GIVE ME ALL THE ADVICE YOU HAVE!" I just cannot see the sign! I have heard that little speech many, many times though, and it causes me to stop....and truly let the words sink into my head. Then I prioritize.

I enjoyed making a bow for Ellie to wear tomorrow. It matches her dress that I made for her. As I was hand-stitching the bow...the breakfast dishes were sitting in the sink.

I found a large cylindrical glass vase for Joey. He had a bucket full of tadpoles, but couldn't see them. So we scooped out four of them, and put them in the see through vase to watch them swim around. It is sitting on the top of my refrigerator now.

Tonight after the boys were done with their baths, instead of making sure the bathroom was "spick and span", I sat down and painted Ellie's fingernails a pretty pink.

There was a time, when I did not sleep well if everything in the house was not in order. Nowadays, if the house is in order...but I was grouchy and snapping at the kids to get it that way....I do not sleep well. Lest you think I am a slob...I'm not. I have learned a lot in my journey of prioritizing, that sometimes it IS more get that vase for the tadpoles, than it is to vacuum the floor before the baby goes down for a nap. The vacuuming can wait...but an excited boy with a bucketful of tadpoles cannot. I want to take time for things that matter in my home. For my family, my husband and children....for little pink fingernails, and magnifying glasses, tadpoles and hide and seek...Thomas the tank engine...reading stories...learning about fish and animals. I'm sure the day will soon come, that I miss that vase of tadpoles sitting on my refrigerator. But, I will have a happy memory of sharing an exciting time with my boy...and THAT is what really matters.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A new kind of Courage

There are many things in my life that I enjoy doing. One thing I really love, is to simple sit with someone, or talk to them on the phone, and encourage them in some way. For me to share my heart with someone who is hurting or struggling, and to give them a new perspective on a problem they are facing...there is nothing like it to me. Often these times are spontaneous, and unexpected by me! I walk away from these times, awed and amazed that I had ANYTHING to say, that could help someone who was hurting. Praise the Lord, for His word. For teaching me through so many times in my life, that He is able...that He is trustworthy...that His word will change lives, give hope, and heal broken hearts.

I have always been very cautious to not offer my opinion when someone is talking to me. At least I think I try to be. I'm sure there are times, when I have wounded someone, by hastily offering words that I thought would "help"...but actually they didn't. Because of this, I do not look for ways to encourage those who are hurting. I want to help people, but the fear of saying the wrong thing oftentimes keeps me silent.

I was caught off gaurd in my praying today. I was praying for a lady, that had opened up to me this week about some heartache. I asked God to give me courage to encourage those who are discouraged. When I said it, I stopped and thought to myself, "Hmmm, I think I'll remember that!" In my heart I long to help those who are hurting. I want to take my own past hurts and mistakes, and give hope to those surrounded by what seems to be insurmountable odds. I know God is able. May I have to courage I encourage the discouraged.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Easter dresses

One of the many things I absolutely LOVE about having a girl, is to watch her love pretty things. Here she is 19 months, and I am still amazed at this little one, who will wrap a dress on the back of her neck (she thinks it is actually on her), then smile and dance. She even raises her eyebrows sometimes, if it is something very pretty to her.

I bought some material to make us matching Easter dresses. After I cut out the material, I found I had plenty to make a dress for a dolly, and a few little hair accessories. The next morning when I showed her the doll with the new dress on...her face, just lit up in a huge smile. She hugged the dolly so much, then she'd pull her away, look at her again...then hug her once more.

Tonight I was making my dress, well actually it is a skirt and top...maternity. I had bought some pretty trim to go around the hem of both of our dresses. I couldn't believe how perfect it was! There was just enough for both of our dresses. I love to sew, but having a girl to sew for, has put an enjoyment in the task, a simple pleasure, that was never there before. As I sewed, I remembered a few things from years gone by.

How often did I pray for the Lord to give me a baby girl? Hundreds of times maybe? I begged and cried....I felt a yearning in my heart that I had never known, for a baby girl. There were times I had to leave a store, in tears...because I saw a beautiful dress, and I wanted to make one for my own little one. I know it may seem odd, seeing I have four wonderful long for a daughter so greatly, but I did.

Elliana means, "God has answered my prayer", and I am so thankful He did. She brings a joy to our home...that we never knew we were missing before.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Falling for Joey

Most of this past week, our van has been in the shop getting some minor repair work done. Last night, the whole family was suffering from cabin fever, so we decided to go out for the evening. After dinner, I asked Kevin if we could stop at JC Pennys to see if they had any kids clothes on sale. All of my boys have worn through their hand me downs worth handing down anymore. Also, with Easter coming up, I like to look around at all the dress clothes, before I make a final decision on what to get for the boys.

I thought for sure the kids section was upstairs...but it wasn't. We were on our way to the escalator, when I told Kevin, "I got Nathan" and lifted him onto the moving stairs. Down we went. I looked behind me before getting off and saw everyone had safely made it onto the escalator, and off I went in search of a sale, with Nathan. That left Kevin holding Ellie, with Derek, Joey and David following. Several minutes went by, and FINALLY, they all showed up. Of course my question was, "what took so long?" seeing as they were literally right behind me. Then I got the "You wouldn't believe it if I told you" look.

Kevin said, he was holding Ellie, the boys were behind him, and when he got off the escalator, he didn't hear anyone following him. He turned around to see that the three boys had run UP the DOWN escalator, and were sitting on their bums riding back down. Typical boys. As he stood at the bottom waiting for them...there were two elderly ladies following several steps behind the boys. At the bottom, off comes Derek, off comes David...and there sits Joey. Poor Joey, everything seems to happen to him. As he is sitting there, trying to get up, his coat is caught in the escalator...ummm he's not moving anywhere. The two ladies are trying to back UP the DOWN escalator, to avoid crashing into poor Joey, stuck in the stairs...they are also yelling, "ahhh, he's stuck...oh...he can't move....AAAAAHHHHHH!!!" However, their frailty and age, are preventing them from being very succesful in their attempts to get away! Kevin said, they almost fell right over the top of Joey. Kevin reached down and yanked Joey up, just in time. He did lose a big chunk out of his coat, but other than that, no one was hurt! I think next time, we'll take the elevator!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Thankfulness many things to be thankful for. So many things I "could" complain about...but for what reason? My spirit is so affected by my outlook. What I allow my mind to dwell upon, strongly determines my mood. I must be disciplined in my thoughts...I MUST...there is no other option. To have the mind of Christ, to dwell only upon those things which would be pleasing to Christ...that is my daily goal, and sad to say, my daily failure. And yet I strive.

Thankful for...

A God, who loves me as a daughter
Salvation, which gives me hope, and a reason to live
Heaven, where my tears will be wiped away
My Saviour, Jesus Christ, who died for ME...when I deserved to die...who took my place.
Thankful we are the victors, no matter how defeated we feel. One day...we will win the final battle.

My husband. The greatest man I know. Nearly perfect in every way.
Derek, a boy who just seeks to please, and is helper by nature. He loves our family...
Joey, for his spunk and determination. His boldness for God that puts me to shame sometimes.
David, for his smile that lights up a room...for his sense of humor that makes me laugh until I cry.
Thankful for Nathan...that he is now talking. Hearing him sing, fills me with warmth in my heart...his loving nature and kisses.
Elliana, for her smile...and always wanting to hug...thankful she is seizure free, no more epilepsy.
Thankful for this life within me...another bundle of joy to add to our family, that God has blessed us with.

For a place to stay...that is snug and cozy. Thankful my little ones are always within earshot, to keep them from getting unkind to each other, I hear everything. A nice field for the boys to play in, and a spy for frogs and turtles. Thankful for a warm shower...for a warm place to sleep. I'm thankful our needs are met....God truly has been sooooo good.


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