Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A new year

Now that January is here, I've been thinking about my life in the past year. What have I learned...have I grown as a person, a Christian? Who am I now that I wasn't a year ago? What have I learned about myself, about others?

I've been in Belize for 14 months now. So much of who I am, is and will be determined by my life here on the mission field. Some times we change, whether we like it or not...because we must. So how have I changed and what have I learned about myself?

I have learned...

I can live with bugs, spiders, snakes, scorpions, bats...and really it's not a big deal anymore. When I first came I often thought, "How can I do this every single day?!" I was constantly killing ants...they were everywhere. They still are, but most of the time, (unless they are taking over the house) I just leave them alone...I don't have the time to kill ants 24/7.

I have learned to live on "plan C" because I know that plan A and plan B usually don't work out. That was an adjustment! I like to plan things and to work THAT PLAN...but ya know what...sometimes the plan doesn't work out...and you MUST ADJUST! You have to. I have learned it is ok if things don't work out. I have learned to say "Oh well..." with a smile.

I have learned that if I do not dwell on those things which I cannot get or do here...soon I forget what it is that I am doing without. Really. People ask me, "What can you not get down there?" and I cannot think of anything, because I've just learned to live without it.

I have learned to cook many things from scratch. If I want a potato casserole (which I'm making today) I have to shred the potatoes and the cheese. Everything takes longer. Everything. A simple meal to cook in the states can take hours to put together here...because everything is done by YOU! A salad takes a long time because you must sanitize all the veggies in bleach water, wash each leaf of just takes time!

I have learned the ache of lonliness. In that lonliness I have learned an aspect of the Lord I never experienced before. While praying and crying to God for months to know Him more, to know His heart and His intense loneliness came over me. God was silent. Then after weeks of this, I heard Him whisper into my soul..." heart is lonely too. I ache for fellowship with those whom I love. Yet, the people I love and gave my Son for...ignore me and never speak to me. You asked to know My heart and mind...I am lonely."

So many other things....

I hope in this next year to learn more. To learn more about helping hurting people. How to teach the wounded. How to help others heal....

What an honor to serve our King. To represent Him to those who are hurting. Mine truly is A Life Worth Living.


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