A Life Worth Living

Grace...

2011-02-04T21:19:00.006-05:00

In my life I have found some things are not as simple as they seem. The verse in the Bible that says, "Let your speech be alway with GRACE, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

Grace is defined as: 1. Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action. 2. A pleasing or attractive quality. 3. Favor or good will. 4. A manifestation of favor, especially by a superior. 5. Mercy, clemency, pardon.

This was only the first 5 definitions but you get the point. Our speech...what we say to one another. How we speak to our friends, family, strangers, enemies, students we may teach, children, elderly, EVERY MAN...our words should be seasoned with grace, everything we say.

Grace.

Do we have grace for those we come in contact with? What of the fallen? What of the girl who is loose with her standards? Do our words portray to her that we favour her, we have forgiven her, does she feel she has any reason to even try again? Will she find grace and pardon in our words or condemnation and no hope.

Grace. Some have called it "unmerited favor"...for we do nothing to deserve it. If we've done nothing to deserve it...in simple logic then, we can't do anything to NOT deserve it...it is after all Grace.

When we look at others because of what we have heard or seen...and do not offer grace to them...we are a stumbling block to them. Our Lord has left us here to love people, unconditionally, and to offer them grace. When the woman taken in adultery was brought before Jesus, he said, "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more." He didn't have to teach her what was wrong...she knew. We do not have to sit down with the fallen and point out all of their mistakes and flaws...they already know. We need to offer grace and unconditional love. No matter how well you know someone, you may not understand everything.

Here in Belize, there is a lot of teenage pregnancy. One of the first questions asked the girls when they come in is, "Have you been sold?" What would make a mother so desperate that she would SELL HER DAUGHTER!!?? I don't fully know, but I suspicion that she was sold, and therefore believes it to be ok. Who will offer that mother grace for her guilt? Who will offer the daughter grace...who will love them as Christ would if He were still on earth?

If incest occurs, the mother is left penniless with many children to raise. Many times she will stay with the abuser because he is the breadwinner. If she were to turn him into the authorities, their family name would be ruined. So it is kept quiet, brushed under the rug.

Girls are forced into relationships at an early age. Some as young as 11 and 12. Their purity lost. Their view of love forever tainted by guilt. I would like to believe that this forcing is only happening in third world countries, but I am not naive. This happens in America too.

Who will offer grace? Who will have the right words to say that are seasoned with salt and grace? Salt is for cleansing and preserving...there is no condemnation in this verse...only grace and unconditional love. Who will know how they "ought to answer every man"? Do you know how to offer grace to the wounded...or do you remain silent for fear of saying the wrong thing? If so...the wounded walk right out the doors with the same pain and guilt they came with. We all need to learn how to love them, to accept them, to offer them grace without condemnation...may we learn to love how God loves.

A new year

2011-01-26T14:28:00.003-05:00

Now that January is here, I've been thinking about my life in the past year. What have I learned...have I grown as a person, a Christian? Who am I now that I wasn't a year ago? What have I learned about myself, about others?

I've been in Belize for 14 months now. So much of who I am, is and will be determined by my life here on the mission field. Some times we change, whether we like it or not...because we must. So how have I changed and what have I learned about myself?

I have learned...

I can live with bugs, spiders, snakes, scorpions, bats...and really it's not a big deal anymore. When I first came I often thought, "How can I do this every single day?!" I was constantly killing ants...they were everywhere. They still are, but most of the time, (unless they are taking over the house) I just leave them alone...I don't have the time to kill ants 24/7.

I have learned to live on "plan C" because I know that plan A and plan B usually don't work out. That was an adjustment! I like to plan things and to work THAT PLAN...but ya know what...sometimes the plan doesn't work out...and you MUST ADJUST! You have to. I have learned it is ok if things don't work out. I have learned to say "Oh well..." with a smile.

I have learned that if I do not dwell on those things which I cannot get or do here...soon I forget what it is that I am doing without. Really. People ask me, "What can you not get down there?" and I cannot think of anything, because I've just learned to live without it.

I have learned to cook many things from scratch. If I want a potato casserole (which I'm making today) I have to shred the potatoes and the cheese. Everything takes longer. Everything. A simple meal to cook in the states can take hours to put together here...because everything is done by YOU! A salad takes a long time because you must sanitize all the veggies in bleach water, wash each leaf of lettuce...it just takes time!

I have learned the ache of lonliness. In that lonliness I have learned an aspect of the Lord I never experienced before. While praying and crying to God for months to know Him more, to know His heart and His mind...an intense loneliness came over me. God was silent. Then after weeks of this, I heard Him whisper into my soul..."Amy...my heart is lonely too. I ache for fellowship with those whom I love. Yet, the people I love and gave my Son for...ignore me and never speak to me. You asked to know My heart and mind...I am lonely."

So many other things....

I hope in this next year to learn more. To learn more about helping hurting people. How to teach the wounded. How to help others heal....

What an honor to serve our King. To represent Him to those who are hurting. Mine truly is A Life Worth Living.

Living the life

2010-06-28T16:43:00.003-04:00

Missionary kids. MK'S. Kids growing up in a foreign land, with no familiar faces. Kids who stand out from all other kids their age. They are a different color, speak different...look different. And how do these children cope? What do they do for fun? How do they adjust to another culture? I've had mothers ask me, "Aren't you afraid for your children? I mean they will grow up outside
of America?" Here is my answer...

Here is Joey, creative king of our house. He gathered some palm leaves and set them up (somehow) then borrowed a couple of clothes pins off of the line, hung up a blanket...and here he is, in his space ship heading for another adventure.

The safest place for anyone is in the center of God's will. I am not afraid for my children. Yes, there are scary things that happen here. There are murders, drug trafficing, corrupt police, child abuse, just like any other country, including America.

My children belong to God. They are missionary kids second to being Gods kids. I've read a poem before entitled "Children live what they learn". My children have lived and learned creativity!

When we were in Jamiaca for 4 months we didn't have many toys for their age. On the trip down we had to load the suitcases with school books along with clothing for the entire family. Each child had one backpack for some toys, books and crayons. While we were there, I began showing them how to make things out of cereal boxes, toilet paper rolls, and cardboard of any kind. Soon we had piles of homemade gadgets and gizmos all over the house. I finally had to say, "Ok boys, no more for a while, we have too much!" Where we live here, there is a huge woodpile and the children are allowed to use any of the wood that has been discarded. Here, Joey has made a monitor for his computer. The keyboard is just a piece of cardboard...and away he goes!!

Missionary kids don't have it rough. They have a great life. Yes, they live in another culture, but they see firsthand the power of an almighty God. The power of a changed life. They also grow up making their own fun. What a life!! They chase lizards, rescue birds, watch eggs hatch in the bushes outside of our house...make forts out of palm leaves, guns out of wood pieces, they are living life! Wow! How awesome is THAT?!!

Unfortunately all good things must end, and so it goes for the spaceship. The boys went inside after a rain, and when they moved the blanket back, a tarantula crawled out! It was bigger than my hand. The boys decided it would no longer be ok to play in a tarantula hide out, so they tore the fort apart. They now have relocated the fort to another place.

Missionary kids...it doesn't get any better than this! WHAT A LIFE!

2010-06-17T16:40:00.004-04:00

Under the Palms

2010-06-14T11:04:00.002-04:00

I remember while in the States on deputation, traveling here and there, meeting new people every day. It seemed I made many friends, many acquaintances...but they were quick friendship. There wasn't much time to get close to someone, because so soon, it was time to go again. In Belize though, it is different.

I have now been here for nearly seven months and already I feel my heart stretching. I'm getting to know some of the people, and my heart longs to love them more. I pray and ask God to love them through me. I ache for them to know the love of God almighty. I think of these people throughout my week, and I wonder to myself, "Do they even contain God in their thoughts? Do they realize how much God loves them and wants to know them?"

I wanted you to meet some of our people....

This is a picture of my Sunday School class. I teach 4-6 year olds. We ran out of chairs so we decided to sit on the mats on the floor. Today I taught them the story of Moses and the children of Israel complaining about manna. I passed out crackers several times and taught about the importance of being thankful for all that God gives us. What a joy it is to serve God by teaching these little ones.

This is Anita. Right now I believe her house is flooding. She lives in a small house with 7 other people (at least) and when we picked her up today, the water from the rain was just flooding through her yard. She tends to be quiet and sometimes a little mischievous, but there are those rare moments, (like in the photo) where she seems to soak up every word you are saying, and I wonder..."Lord, what is it that You had in mind when you created her?" I believe He has an awesome plan!

Meet Marvin
Meet Marvin. Marvin is 13 and the 4th child in a family of 12 people. His parents are still together, and they all live in a shack smaller than most of your living rooms...no kidding. They have a stove, and "borrowed" electricity. No refrigerator, no indoor plumbing. Marvin is a self-appointed visitation expert. He knows everyone in the village, and everyone knows him. He loves to go around and help invite others to church. Although he is the 4th child, and his dad's name is George, everyone calls their family's house, "Marvin's house" because he is so well known and liked. When Kevin asked Marvin several weeks back, "Why do you come to church Marvin?" He simply said, "To honor God."

We are currently meeting under this thatch roofed building. We have no walls, no screens, sometimes we have electricity, sometimes not. The spirit is sweet and the people are growing. I am excited about what the Lord is doing here and the people He has sent our way. Serving God is not always easy, and there are difficult days with trials. Tonight we were swarmed with flood flies, the people were laughing and smacking flies left and right. Pastor Mike had to stop preaching and wait for Kevin to go get the bus, then we all loaded up and he finished his sermon on a bus, with all of the windows up. It was HOT! A few weeks back someone stole the electrical box that was to serve the property with electricity. We've had chairs stolen. Now for EACH SERVICE...all of the equipment has to be loaded from the Leonard's home into a trailer, taken to the church property, unloaded and set up. Chairs, pulpit, table for water, water jug, cups, song books, keyboard, bibles....anything that we need for the service. EVERY SERVICE. It is a lot of work. The Bible says, "Thou therefore endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ, no man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier."

Thus the Lord is bringing me to the place where I can love more. It's not about whether or not we are in an enclosed building, or whether we are swarmed by flies...or even if we are flooded, this is all about loving people for God. We endure hardness to be allowed the honor of being a "good soldier of Jesus Christ" If we faint in the day of adversity, our strength is small. The boils, the ants, the delays, the weather, the stealing, it all pales in comparison to the privilege of being able to watch God move. Under these palms, I have found joy in serving the Lord and I have grown to love people once more.

Watering the bed

2010-05-29T23:49:00.003-04:00

There are some things you do on a regular basis on the mission field that you never dreamed of doing. Last night before Elliana went to bed, I had to water her bed. Yep! I had to water her bed.

When we first moved down to Belize, it was the end of rainy season, and the beginning of a dry season and the bugs were plenteous. The poor little child had bug bites all over her. I would spray her down with "OFF!" right before bed, (which really is not a pleasant smell or feeling to sleep with). All the ants, mosquitos and flying things (with pinchers) just loved her fat little legs. In the morning I would check her out, put tea tree oil on all the bites, and change her bedding...AGAIN. Before nap time, I would check her bed again, put her down and after nap it was another routine of checking for bites, applying something to them...changing bedding or shaking it out...not fun, but necessary.

One of the Belizeans told me I should put the legs of the bed in bowls of water, so no bugs can get to her bed. Hmmmm....never thought about it before, but it should work! So I found some yogurt bowls and butter bowls, lifted up the crib and set it down into the bowls. Then I added water. It was interesting to see the next day what TRIED to get into her bed, but was drowned by the water instead.

So now, each day I check the water level, to see if more water is needed to keep the crawling bugs away. Last night I filled a pitcher and went to Ellie's room to water her bed.

The older I get the more I realize how every situation in my life usually has some spiritual application. Our trials are to make us stronger so there must be something to learn from them.

There is a verse in Ephesians that speaks of "washing of water by the word". The verse is referring to Christ and the church...but I think it might apply to my "watering the bed".

Without the "Water of the Word" in our lives, so many "bugs" just creep in. We may not even see them coming, but still they are there. They take over our hearts desires, and bite and devour our usefulness for God. Before we know it, we're covered with scars due to our lack of using the "Water of the Word" to protect us. Yet, if each day we water our souls with the Word of God, and we live in His will...we can live victorious over temptation and avoid the scars of sin. We can rest peacefully knowing that although the "bugs" are there, they cannot reach us.

Each day as I check the water in those little butter bowls...I also need to ask myself if there are things creeping into my life, that need to be washed away. How much water have I added to my soul?

Chosen

2010-05-17T00:58:00.002-04:00

I was reading in John 15 this week and the verse that says, "You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you." seemed to jump out at me. I have thought on this verse many times this week. When I was a new Christian, I used to think that I chose Christ. I chose the path I would follow. I chose whether I would stay with my old friends or find new Christian friends. I used to think it was all my doing. Sure, Christ saved me...but I chose Him, and I chose the path I would follow. Here I am 17 years later, and my thinking has really changed.

It was God who chose me.

I began to think "Well, I wonder when He chose me?" Was it when I was a girl, and scared and alone? Did God see a girl riding a bus to Sunday School and decide then, "I choose HER"? Did He choose me when I would pray to Him; not even knowing who He was, but believing He was there?

No. He chose me before the foundation of the world. He wanted me all along. What a difference this makes in all of my thinking!

He orchestrated my life to give me an opportunity somehow, someway...to meet Him. He led my life down through valleys and up on the mountains, so I would see Him. He is in love with me, and will never leave me nor forsake me. What an awesome God!

I am amazed at how good He was to lead us here to Belize. To a needy people. A people uneducated on the ways of God. I have met Christians, who also have beliefs in the ways of witchcraft! Such confusion boggles the mind.

I am amazed that He led us here to work with the Leonard Family. It is so nice to be able to have friends to labor with. It is such a blessing to be able to invite friends over for pizza, or to go shopping together. The Lord sent the disciples out two by two, yet so many times missionaries go out alone. I am so thankful God led us to come here, to labor with someone. It seems when frustrating times come, that just being able to carry the load together, makes it so much lighter.

If God chose me, long ago...and He has led my life thus far, why would He stop now? I have often told my husband that after nearly 13 years of marriage, knowing what I know now...if I had to do it all over again, I would still choose him. I think that's how God feels about me. He has not given up on me, nor will He ever. He chose me. If he had to do it all over, knowing now what he knows...He would still choose me.

Just a bag of chips

2010-04-23T13:27:00.003-04:00

This week, as always, I was faced with a load of guilt. The guilt weighed down my spirit and left me confused with no answers to the problem that plagued my soul. Each week...I face this guilt. So unlike any guilt I've ever known...it is unrelenting in it's accusations. This guilt takes fragments of truth, and shouts them at me over and over and over again. I recognize the voice of guilt as that of the devil, seeking to discourage me and keep me from walking close to my Lord. Yet, never has the confusion been so great as what the devil is using now.

I was grocery shopping for our family. There are eight of us now, two still in diapers. Our grocery budget is the same each week, and I keep within the limits. I buy all household items with this money. I had my small cart loaded to nearly overflowing...my list was nearly all scratched out. Cleaning supplies, treats for Sunday School kids, diapers, shampoo, produce...it was all there. I began unloading my cart and looked up behind me to see three ladies standing there counting change. They had a couple of bags of flour, salt, cornmeal...just a few items. I turned back to the task at hand, unloading my cart. I couldn't help but notice their stares as I put ALL my stuff on the counter. And then came the guilt. Why? I had 4 bags of chips...2 bags were for our lunches this week...2 bags were tortilla chips for a dinner of nachos. I thought of the cost of just the chips. I could buy what the ladies were carrying 4 times over...if I didn't buy the chips. Did we really need chips? Then came the voice of guilt, "HA...sure you're a Christian...follower of Christ...with all of your expensive food, while these ladies are counting shillings to buy flour! Who do you think YOU ARE AMY? Serving God on the mission field...if you really cared about these people..." And on and on the voice spoke. I continued unloading my cart, but every time I glanced back I saw the faces of the ladies, staring at my groceries.

The verse crossed my mind..."And all that believed were together, and had all things common; and sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. And they continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved."

We are need fillers, that is why we are here. People need the Lord, yet sometimes they need food as well. Obviously we cannot feed every hungry belly...so difficult choices must sometimes be made. Do you help only those who come to church...because you cannot help everyone? What about the children whose parents do not come to church...yet they are hungry too? How do you know who to help, and who to not help? The only answer is to listen to the Holy Spirit, and follow His promptings. God is capable of saying to me, "Amy...help them" and He does.

All of these thoughts flooded through my mind while I was checking out. Then I heard the Lord..."Just buy their groceries Amy..." I looked at the cashier and said, "Go ahead and ring theirs up too...I'll pay for them." I couldn't talk to the ladies as they only spoke spanish. I don't think they even knew what was happening, because as the lady checked them out, they began counting their change again. I paid the cashier and quickly walked out.

I never thought I would feel guilt over buying food for my family, yet I do. Why was I born in America? I didn't choose where I would be born any more than these people here did...so why are they hungry, while I buy chips without a second thought. The ladies food cost me less than $8 (US)...while my chips cost around $20. Once again I am humbled. I think from now on I will always see the ladies faces each time I buy a bag of chips.

Quarantined!

2010-03-28T01:27:00.002-04:00

For those who have not heard the latest hurdle we are facing, it is boils. A few weeks back Ellie had one, and so did two members of the Leonard family. We went to the lab and had them analyzed and it was determined to be MRSA staph boils. Poor Michelle has been fighting them forever, I think she has had seven. Ellie has had three now, and Kevin and I have had one. They are quite painful, sometimes bringing nausea along with all of the swelling and pressure. Kevin has one the size of a lemon.

Michelle found a pharmacy here that has the right kind of antibiotic to fight MRSA, so we are all on it right now. She has taught me the ways of vigorous hand washing with special hand cleaner. We have to rid ourselves of this, it will not just go away on its own.

Pastor Mike told us today that our familly is officially quarantined! He made an executive decision for our own good. Today we got our antibiotics to begin. They last for six days.

I woke this morning with great plans of disinfecting every inch of our house. I contemplated making the kids soak in bleach water, (just kidding). However, early this morning I woke to my backdoor and entire living room floor covered in ants. On Tuesday I found a whole nest of them in my laundry. 126 made it through the washing machine. I know, because I counted them as I pulled them off the clothes I was hanging on the line. Here we go again, sigh. Our spray ran out a couple of days ago, so I had no ant killer. I have been killing ants all day, literally. Since we were out of spray I decided I would just vacuum them. They were coming in faster than I could get them up. It was crazy.

Now remember, everything in Belize bites. Letting them just come on in and getting comfortable was not an option. I poured salt across the stoop where they were coming in, (someone told me that might work), they crawled right over top of the salt. Then Ellie spilled something as I was vacuuming ants out of the kitchen (where they had decided to visit)...now I had ants, salt, and salt water to clean up. It wasn't even 8am. I knew then this was going to be a long day.

I finally decided to try hot sauce. So I poured hot sauce on the stoop...they didn't cross it. They did however come through the door frame, where the wood had separated from the concrete. Great. So I found the caulking gun. Couldn't be too hard to use right? Well, I figured it out, and I have globs of white stuff all around my door to prove my efforts. I'm hoping it will really "dry clear" like it says on the outside of the tube. I know this is hard to imagine, but I was vacuuming non-stop and it wasn't enough. I would stop long enough to take out the bagless container and have the boys run and empty it way in the back by the trash cans.

We went to town at one point to get the medicine for the boils, when we got home, the ants were all over again. Now though, I had to make dinner. Sigh. I never did get anything disinfected. No germ free house. No clean door knobs and MRSA free light switches. There were germs still lurking all around me, and ants as well!!

Michelle had told me earlier in the day of a visit her and Pastor Mike had made in a village. The woman had to walk 3 miles to get to the bus station to ride to work. She had no running water, no electric, but she was happy. Michelle told me her home was so peaceful. This lady cooked over a fire, and invited Michelle to come up so she could show her how to cook over a fire too. Michelle told me seeing her really put things into perspective for her.

I realized, she probably deals with ants too. I wonder what she does? I'm sure she sprays them, so did we and they just come back. I'm sure she doesn't have a vacuum with no electricity. So does she sweep them all the time? I was not joyful today killing ants all day long. I was annoyed that I couldn't get them to stay out. How come this woman had more joy than I did? We are probably in the same situation with the little invaders, and I have more power to rid my home of the nuisance than she does...yet my attitude was short, I was annoyed and frustrated, greatly lacking in any type of joy whatsoever. Perhaps God sent me the ants to show me how rotten my attitude really was, and how thankful I should be.

Send the Rain

2010-03-19T02:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday as I began my routine, we received word of an amazing answer to prayer. Some business group in California contacted my husband and told him they would be depositing money into our work account for a personal vehicle and a church vehicle. Up until this point we have been maxed out each Sunday with seating in the vehicles, sometimes making 3 trips to get everyone to the church. Everyone here uses public transportation, very few have vehicles. It seems each week there has been some issue with the bus as well. We all keep going forward, even if it means bringing 80 people to church by shuttling them all in a 12 passenger van. This was just huge to all of us here...WOW!! The most incredible thing to me was...we have no idea who these business people are.

Have you ever noticed when God does something "huge"...little nuisances that would normally steal our joy, or quickly frustrate us...well, they just don't have much power anymore. All day long I thought of how awesome my God is. I was very much in awe of His working in our lives, of His provision, and also His ways. They really are much much higher than our ways. Well, let me tell you about my day on Wednesday when we received the news.

About 9am our power went off. Now this does not happen often, but when it does you never know how long it will be off, and you are rarely prepared. I was about to start a load of wash, do the dishes, and start a cartoon for the kids. None of which happened. Then I got the call from Kevin saying, "You are not going to believe this e-mail I just opened!"

From that point on...
It didn't matter to me that I couldn't wash the clothes as I had planned because....
God was so real to me, there was no room to be frustrated.
I was not frustrated that things were not going according to my plan because....
God was so real to me, there was no room for frustration.

Then a couple of hours later, the water was shut off. It was only supposed to be for a couple of hours to repair a pipe, but ended up taking all day. So in order to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen I had to go to the rain barrel and fill up a bucket and haul it into the house. I then heated it up on the stove, poured it into the sink, then went to get some more water for rinsing.
Again...
God was so real to me, there was no room for frustration. I was so amazed that God had led a complete stranger to send us money for vehicles, I knew that He was in control! The God of the universe...HE WAS IN CONTROL!

Wasn't He always though? Really.

I thought of our rain barrel. God sent the rain long ago, and it has been there all along. Each day I see it, I pass it...I know it's there and I know it has water in it and yet I don't use it. I don't depend on it. After all, I have other sources for water...the rain barrel is only there if all other water sources fail.

God is always in control. Always. Period. No question. We know that. We hear it. We tell others...yet do we believe it ourselves? Do we trust that He is in control, do we depend on the unfailing truth, that God is in control? Or do we trust our other "sources" until they all fail...then we walk with head hung low to our rain barrel, just wondering and hoping that the rain is in the barrel. Do we go through life defeated and wondering if God is real. Is God really interested in our lives? Is He really there for us?

Yes He is. He's been there all along, He never left. Just like that rain barrel though, He's there, we just never stop to take the time to use Him, to trust Him, to believe that He is God.

I was thanking God yesterday that He sent the rain several weeks ago, knowing all along that the water He had sent would be used to wash my dishes when the pipes were being repaired. He sent the rain long ago. My friend, God is there for you. He knew long ago that you would need a Saviour, a Friend, a Provider, a Lover of your soul. He sent Jesus for you before you even knew you had a need. And there He is just waiting for you to finally need Him, to call upon Him, to trust Him.

Our God is so real, so mighty, so awesome...oh may we love and trust Him more.

Reality...

2010-03-16T02:16:00.003-04:00

I've wondered many times in the past several weeks, "If I COULD get online and blog...WHAT would I write and share?"

I've always thought of myself as a realist. I've never thought of myself as a pessimist, yet when I think of things to share, it tends to be what most would think of as negative. I always want to share what life is really like. What I am really thinking and struggling with. Areas that I desperately need to grow in. I want to share my weaknesses, my tainted thinking...my sin. Why? I'm not sure.

Perhaps because I tire of reading things written in our age so full of fluff and flowery words, yet lacking in the realities of everyday grit and grime of life that we all live in. Do we not all need to know that we all struggle with ourselves? None of us have arrived or become "Mrs Beaver"...she doesn't exist.

I love it here in Belize. I am amazed everyday that we are here, and that God has placed us in this area of service. I love birds and nature...and I see beautiful plant life all around me, I discover new birds everyday. How wonderful that God, knowing what I enjoy, placed me here.

And yet...I struggle.

I struggle with not being annoyed...with my children being infested with lice twice in 3 weeks. It is a lot of work to do all of that wash and wash all of their heads, then pull out the nits and the eggs in a 24 hour period. Only to hear a mother explain to me that she knows when children have lice because when it gets hot..."the lice just fall out of their heads and you see them on their shoulders." (that is dandruff...lice do not just "fall out") Can I still love and hold these children unconditionally....knowing all the work that is ahead if we get lice another time? I am poorly lacking in my Christlikeness.

I love my house, I love where we live. It is a peaceful place with a large yard, beautiful scenery and it is quiet.

And yet I struggle.

I struggle with wanting my peaceful home to myself. When the neighbor kids come screaming and playing in our backyard, do I smile to myself that these children love playing with my children in our yard, or do I get frustrated that my peace has been interrupted? When they walk into my house to say hello, and play with our children's toys...am I accepting and loving or upset because they didn't even knock...they just walked right in?

Our church is growing...God is blessing this ministry each and every week. Many adults are coming, and the children love church too. Even though we have services in a tractor barn, completely opened and exposed to bugs, ants, flies, mosquito's etc...the people don't seem to even mind, so why should I? The spirit is great, the people are excited and so am I. The bugs really don't bother me much anymore...and yet I struggle.

Each week there is a new dilema. Sometimes the bus won't run. The brakes go out. The van window was shattered. Stealing was last week, when someone went to the barn and stole some chairs. Before it was a water container...there has also been diesel stolen from the bus. And yet God is blessing, so it is He that gives us joy to continue.

We've dealt with ant nests in our house. Scorpions and tarantulas. Lice. Ellie now has a staph boil. They are very contagious, and there isn't much in the way of medicine down here to treat them. Again, I am amazed at the goodness of my God to lead me here to be with another family, who just happens to have some medicine for staph boils. I really see that as God providing and loving us.

To me, I am excited to see God working each day. The way that God chooses to work each day in my life is up to Him. I am excited to just see that He IS working. If He chooses to show Himself to me by providing medicine for a boil, that I never even knew would come, well Praise the Lord...His hand is here. He may choose to show Himself by allowing a teenager to come to church...when her Dad said she couldn't for 3 months. It is an amazing thing to know that God is with you "right now" (Belizean saying).

And my struggles? They are real, and I am faced each day with disciplining my mind to think right. To love others. To be Christlike, and to please HIM with my life. Isn't that what we all struggle with?

Home sweet home

2010-01-11T20:51:00.002-05:00

Where to start???

We are in our home and settled finally. Our container did arrive on the 17th of December...just a couple of weeks later than we expected. Christmas seemed a little rushed, but we did have all of our decorations up and most of our things unpacked. It is nice to feel like we are home.

So many details rush to my mind that I want to share...petty unimportant things, as well as wonderful blessings! I will start with the petty.

Ant nests, I found 4 of them in my house, 2 of which were in my clothes drawers. One was in my kitchen cabinet. I opened the cabinet and they were EVERYWHERE! I was disgusted, and weak-kneed! I called Kevin to tell him, I saw dozens crawling out of the spout of a ceramic teapot, so I put the aerosol can of ant killer into the spout and sprayed away. I told him I couldn't stand the sight of all of those ants, so I would not be cleaning the teapot out, I would leave that for him! When I got of the phone I thought to myself, "Some missionary wife YOU ARE! Calling your husband crying over an ant nest!" (by the way they were bigger than carpenter ants, and had pinchers!) I just couldn't bring myself to even take the teapot out of the cabinet! So after a good scolding to myself, I brought the pot out of the cabinet, peeked inside, and almost threw up! They were ants in every stage of development in there, even the larvae! PUKE! After seeing them, I just accepted that I would not be cleaning out that teapot, and it was waiting for Kevin when he came home!

The ladies at church told me that even though the ants are scary, and they do bite, they are a blessing when they come to your house, because they march right through in scores, and hundreds, killing any insect in its path. Then they move on. They even eat scorpions.

Oh, I had one of those in my house to. A big black one called an Emperor Scorpion...about 3 inches long. Yep, that was quite a scream too!

Then you have to remember that I have boys. Lots of jungle trees to climb. FUN FUN FUN!! Right? Well, you forgot that little boys do not have developed brains until they are 25!!

Derek tells me he was climbing this tree, and he saw a tail sticking out of a hole! It was a mean looking lizard, but because the lizard wasn't moving, the boys decided he must be dead and started PULLING ON HIS TAIL!! Fortunately for them, the lizard did not attack them, just stayed in his nice hole. Crazy boys!

The water here is also nasty, you cannot drink it or brush your teeth with it. There are many parasites and germs that can make you very sick. Ellie was taking a bath the other night, and I went to check on her, she had taken the head off of a doll and was drinking water out of the head! So we have be trying to help her through a lot of dirty diapers and a small fever.

Because of the water...when I get home from market, I immediately put all of my produce into a sink filled with bleach water, and let them soak for a few minutes and air dry before putting them away.

I have learned to make homemade tortillas and homemade salsa. Yummy.

It has been wonderful to be a part of the church here. We are meeting in a tractor barn, and the people just keep coming! When it is hot, there are mosquitos and gnats that bite. One man even stepped in a bunch of ants during church, and was in the back lifting his pants legs, smacking and hitting them. We have a dirt floor too, that the kids love to run around and kick the dirt up in the air. Matt Leonard found a 6 ft snake right near the church a few weeks back...it was poisonous too.

Each day I wake up to the thought of how wonderful it is to be here...how good of God to lead us to this place of service. I look forward to seeing all that He has planned for us and the Leonard's.

Thank you all for praying for us as we made this move, please continue to pray!

Time to go

2009-11-15T00:55:00.002-05:00

In less than 3 days all of us will be flying out of America and heading toward Belize, Central America. We are all excited and greatly anticipating our move to do Missionary work. We are thrilled, overjoyed and ready.

Right now is the hard part. Packing what we have lived with and been using this year. Packing clothing we have been wearing, and are currently wearing too. Packing and sorting everything we own once more and asking ourselves "will we use this on the mission field?" Weaning ourselves of things we really don't need...packing everything else. Listing on many sheets of paper all that we own (we are so blessed are we not?)...preparing to go.

Then there is the normal everyday duties...cleaning, cooking, baths, cleaning again, cooking, wiping a snotty nose...etc..

I was feeling like I was treading water with my nose right above the water when Hannah came home. You know, barely getting things done, prioritizing and then re-prioritizing, because there wasn't enough time in the day to do it all. Adjusting to a newborn with 5 other children in the house is hard enough, and now we are moving too! We have had our days fairly planned out so this last week hasn't been so hectic. Now though we are down to the last couple of days, and what else needs to be done you ask?

Well....
about 3 loads of laundry, then it all needs to be packed or put away in the missionary apartment. Then there is the toys that keep getting scattered, that needs put away again. Oh and I want to wash my quilt before it gets loaded up for the move. A load of things needs to be taken down to the storage unit...rugs, lamps, piano, recliner. Then there is one last trip to the grocery store to stock up on baking items for the holidays. A trip to target for a necessity. Kevin wants to go to JC Penny's to get some things for himself. A stop at GFS to pick up some spices for another missionary. Then we have church of course, tomorrow. Monday the truck comes to pick up our things. I think I'm all ready...I think?

It will probably be several weeks before our internet is hooked up and running again, but I will be keeping a written journal of our happenings.

Please say a prayer for us as we travel with the children, that we will all stay healthy too. Also, please pray for our container to arrive safely in Belize.

My sweet Hannah

2009-11-06T23:34:00.003-05:00

It's funny how after having children for 10 years, things change. I never have slept with any of my children. I have snuggled them while nursing, and dozed while holding them in my arms...but never have slept with them next to me. At first it was a "new parent" thing. I had heard an opinion, and thought, "WOW, THAT IS SO PROFOUND!" and went whichever way I was swayed...in this instance, no sleeping with babies. Now that I've been a parent for a few years, I realize...I will not be able to snuggle and doze with them for very long. This infant stage is indeed a very short stage...and I intend to enjoy every moment I can. Hannah has slept with me most nights this week, she is fighting a cough. I place her on her back on a pillow, then I curl up around her and put my arm under the pillow. It is amazing how sweet sleep is with her so close to me. I never knew what I was missing out on all those years and all of those babies. I always said I couldn't sleep soundly while they were in the bed, but if they are in a reclined position, where they are not moving about, it really is nice.

And this is her, my sweet Hannah Grace. It is so nice having a new little one. Isn't she precious?!!?

Within my heart...my Sister

2009-11-03T00:20:00.002-05:00

My beautiful sister, Carrie Lynn and her husband Eric.

She came into my life right after I turned one. For the next 15 years we would laugh, play, cry, love, and fight with one another. We have shared many tears and sorrows, my sister and I...yet, I love her as much as anyone could love someone.

Her husband has been fighting Ewing's sarcoma for some time now. He is 34 I think. Eric has had part of his leg amputated, and yet the cancer is still in his body. They have fought hard, tried all the chemo available, went through a trial program, and now are using a different method to try to slow the growth of the cancer.

I have watched my sister through all of this. Her tiny, barely 100 pound frame...doing whatever she could for this man that she loves. They have traveled back and forth hundreds of miles for treatments, and she has been there for him. I have heard the fear and worry in her voice...that only a sister can hear...when she says, "We're gonna fight this...the doctor's aren't always right!" I have heard her tears over a phone line...and tried so desperately to encourage and to love her. She is stronger than I ever knew. I have heard her talk of the Lord and answered prayer. I have listened to her excitement over bills that have been paid...when they were waiting for disability checks to start arriving.

Twenty years ago, when we were just teenagers...I realized how very much I loved her. I agonized over her, and wept over her way back then. She was having some trouble, I wanted so much to help her...here I am 20 years later, still wanting the same thing.

Now she is in the midst of a battle. An every day fight, against the unseen enemy of cancer. I feel so helpless, so unable to help her. I want to run to her and scoop her up and fix everything scary and painful in her life, and yet she faces her day like a soldier.

Although I try to think of things to say that will encourage her or help in some small way, it never seems to be enough.

Please pray for them...and for strength to face each day ahead. There is nothing more I can do, than to pray.

2009-10-29T00:18:00.002-04:00

I feel as if I am slowly awakening out of a deep,foggy sleep. You know, the kind of sleep that slowly fades away, and you lay in bed with your eyes closed...wondering if it is really time to get up? Yes, welcome to my world.

A wonderful world it is, filled with 6 little ones, one of which is a newborn. (Thus the foggy sleep). I wouldn't trade little Hannah for anything, but my, I've forgotten how precious sleep is to a nursing mommy. There are mornings when I get up after feeding her...AGAIN...and I think, "Wait a second...I haven't slept yet?? It's morning???" I feel like I am sleep-walking through my day. My brain cannot hold a thought for more than a few seconds, and it seems like I'm always forgetting what I was going to do...make sense?

The pictures are from a recent trip to an apple orchard. Ellie loved the bunnies they had out for the children to pet. That is David above her on my left. Little Hannah is underneath the quilt! (I made it by the way...isn't it CUTE!!!??) As soon as I can remember to get batteries for the camera, I will post some more pictures of Hannah.

We are also preparing to leave soon for Belize. On November 17th our flight leaves. The day before...our container will be loaded and sent off. We are in the midst of going through our things now, labeling them and packing them in boxes for the container. Kevin has lots to do as well, finalizing travel arrangements, selling our van and trailer, phone calls, and other things I am not even aware of. He keeps telling me, "You just take care of the baby and yourself..." but he is also such a blessing to me helping out when he can with the other kids. God was good to give me such a loving and caring man.

It seems like I went to have the baby, and the leaves were barely beginning to change. I blinked my eyes, and now they are almost GONE! It has been a busy fall for me!

I've enjoyed doing a lot of baking lately. This morning we all enjoyed some pumpkin pancakes and sausage. Yesterday I made 2 huge loaves of Banana bread. The day before I made some homemade wheat bread. If anyone has a great bread recipe, please share it with me! I love working with yeast breads, and this is a great time to try them out on the family!

I'm sure these next few weeks will fly by as well, and we will be leaving. If you think of us, say a prayer that all will go well with our final plans. Thanks!

A thousand words...and then some...: Assignment #10 - Discovery

2009-10-14T16:15:00.001-04:00

A thousand words...and then some...: Assignment #10 - Discovery

Thoughts on Discovery

This latest writing assignment from:http://athousandwordsandthensome.blogspot.com/
has been on the word "Discovery".

I have thought this over in several different ways. The discoveries of children through life. The enjoyment that comes simply watching a child discover something for the first time. I read Kayte's blog and pondered the discovery of God's love for me, how it all came about in my life. I've thought about it while driving to the grocery store... and wondered at the vastness of the word discovery. Today, I came to the conclusion to write about the discovery of myself and who I am.

As a child, I was always looking for acceptance. The things I did or did not do, was determined by what the adults in my life would think of me. As a teenager, some of the same thinking played into my actions. In college, my thoughts turned more toward how I could please God with my life. I wanted to be all I could for the Lord. In my twenties, as a young adult, I lived in a bubble, trying desperately to be that "person" of perfection who had it all together, (whatever "it" was) striving to be who I thought I was supposed to be. As a young married woman...I aimed to be exactly the kind of wife I thought my husband needed. With motherhood, my goals did not change, they were just redirected at someone else, my children. I wanted to be EVERYTHING I thought they needed.

While these goals are all noble and good, while striving to be everything I thought everyone else needed, I lost touch with WHO I really was!

I have discovered in the past 10 years of parenting, the past 12 years of marriage many things...about me.

I have discovered:

I am not perfect. Nor is anyone else on this earth. I cannot be perfect, God made me with strengths and weaknesses. Although I will be working on those weaknesses for the rest of my life and some will become strengths...I will then discover other weaknesses...and thus life will go.

I have discovered:

God created me for my husband. Though many times in my mind I have envisioned the type of woman that would be best for my husband...and tried desperately to become that woman...the truth is my weaknesses, and his strengths seem to fit like a puzzle, we compliment one another. We are a team. If I try to "be" like the woman in my mind...I lose touch with who I am, and forget all that I do have to offer to my marriage.

I have discovered:

God has blessed me with children, because He believes I am the best mother for them. Again, though I do have weaknesses that are constantly being worked on...God gave me these children. He believes in me. Even though I may sometimes feel inadequate for the job, or it seems like I am a failure in some way or another, I have discovered I have what it takes to rear these children, or God would not have given them to me.

I have discovered:

Who I am is ok with God. I do not have to strive to be someone else, whether a real person or made up in my mind. Do not misunderstand me, I do think we should always try to be better in our lives in different areas. I also believe that who I am, my strenths, my weaknesses, my quirks, my irritations, the things that I love and dream about...they all make me who I am...and that is what God loves about me. If I live my life pretending to be something I am not, I miss out on feeling the love of God for who I am. I have discovered...me.

Home again

2009-10-04T21:53:00.002-04:00

So now we are both home for good!! How nice it is to have us all together again. Now it is time to get back into the swing of life...homeschooling, chores, routine...etc. etc. We also have a huge move ahead in the future as we move to Belize, Central America and begin working down there. Life comes fast...so fast.

I have found with Hannah's arrival, I am thinking more and more of when the other children were first here. I am saddened with wonder, at just how quickly time has gone by. Derek is now 10, and it seems only days ago, we brought him home as new parents. I'm sure the extra motherly hormones are contributing to this, but I just want to love them....so much. I want them to KNOW...how very precious they are to me.

There have been times, when tired and weak, I have just looked at one of my children and cried, because I was too tired to correct them, but I knew I must. "Please, just do right, and we won't have to go through this again..." I'm sure that has been the heart's cry of many women through the ages. In all of my training and discipline, I hope, I pray...that they will always know they are loved, and wanted VERY MUCH! With this new baby, the desire to be more loving, more caring, more understanding, more patient, more kind...to those I love, has swelled within my heart to a point of consumption...

May it consume me every day, to be better.

I've had many older moms tell me...to enjoy these days, they go by far too quickly. But...I want to do more than just enjoy them. I want to be right, to do right...to have memories of loving my family...enjoying THEM. I want to remember laughter in our home. I want to remember love in our home. I want to live today...like I may not have a tomorrow. I want to love today, like there will never be another time to love.

"Lord, help these dear little ones that you have blessed me with...to be loved by a Godly mother, who seeks YOUR heart, YOUR mind, YOUR love for them. Forgive me for being impatient at times. Give me a greater capacity to love...make me more like YOU, for their sake."

The NICU

2009-09-24T01:02:00.002-04:00

The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. This is now my third trip to this amazingly, wonderful, place...filled with worry, nightmares, and sick little ones. May I say, THIS place...is a good place.

When the doctor was prepping me for surgery, I was quoting over and over in my mind our family verse..."The Lord IS GOOD, a stronghold in the day of trouble and He knoweth them that trust in Him." Nahum 1:7 Over and over...this verse calmed my nerves, settled my worried mind, and brought much comfort that God IS good. I had some fears that our little one would have epilepsy as Ellie did. I was worried about watching in fear, as my little girl would stop breathing. I had bad dreams of memories I didn't want to remember. God's word, soothed my soul.

When I returned from the recovery room and Kevin walked into the room, I could tell by his face something was not right. I asked him if he could get me the baby. It was then he told me, she had to go to the NICU. He explained everything to me...and I began to cry. My verse came to mind soon there after, and I realized...The Lord IS GOOD.

He is good, for working out our insurance plan to be able to deliver at this hospital with a neonatal unit...it is the only hospital in our area, and it is known for having an excellent neonatal unit.

He is good, for giving my doctor the wisdom to talk to me about the possibility of my baby having problems if we delivered too early on September 15th, (the original plan)...and how we should wait until the 22nd instead.

He is good, for giving me a very strong husband...who is amazing when I am tired and emotional.

He is good, for giving us a very healthy baby...with a very common problem...

And although it is difficult to watch her in the NICU...and it is not where I would prefer her to be... may I say

He is good, for putting us in a place, where she can receive the care her little lungs need right now.

He is good for giving us nurses in the NICU, who have worked with neonate babies for over 20 years...very comforting to me, especially since this is a common problem...they have worked with this condition many, many times.

He is good..in His creation of a little baby, the wonders of the body, how it all works together in order....simply amazing how HE put us together.

And one last time..."The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knoweth them that trust in HIM." God is good.

Hannah Grace is here!

2009-09-22T20:44:00.003-04:00

To all of my friends in blog-land..SHE IS HERE!

Hannah Grace Arthur arrived at 7:53am weighing 8lbs. 3oz., a "small baby" for me. The c-section went well...no problems or complications. When Hannah was born, she did need quite a bit of suctioning, as she had a lot of fluid inside of her lungs. This is pretty normal with c-section babies I am told. The fluid was clear, which is good too. Her breathing was shallow, and her oxygen levels are low, so they put her in the neo-natal unit and have been giving her oxygen. They also started her on a precautionary anti-biotic just in case the fluid does not clear up and she develops pneumonia. SHE DOES NOT HAVE PNEUMONIA...but it is a precautionary measure.

I have not been able to hold her yet. This is very hard for me. They do not want me nursing her until her oxygen levels are back up. This too, is difficult. Everything in me wants to go to her, scoop her up in my arms, nuzzle her sweet little neck, whisper loving words in her ear, and give her some warm Mommy's milk to fill her little belly. At this point though, I am not able to go anywhere either...I am still very dizzy even when sitting up. So here I am, without my little baby. And there she is...without her Mommy.

Please pray specifically....
That her oxygen levels would go up.
That I will be able to nurse her tomorrow.

Thank you all...
Amy

Mother of all living...Eve

2009-09-14T00:44:00.003-04:00

As my time for this new life draws nearer, my mind seems to wander to far off places and ponder questions I will never know the answers to. I was thinking tonight of Eve.

The Bible teaches that before the fall of man, that God walked in the garden with Adam and Eve, they talked and spent time together. After the fall, Adam and Eve were banished from the garden. We know that God still talked with them to some extent, because God asked Cain about Abel. We just don't know how often He talked with them, or what He actually said.

I was thinking about Eve getting ready to have her first child. Did she know there was a baby inside of her? I wonder if she thought that she would have a full grown person...birthed from her body? Did she know how it would happen? Did she know how long she was to be pregnant? Did she think perhaps she was sick...that she was dying? When labor began, did she even understand what was taking place?

I think that from her watching the animals give birth, she may have had some idea. Let's face it though, some animals give birth to several babies at once! Did Eve think she would have a litter of humans? I just wonder, how much she knew...and how much she didn't!

At the end of my pregnancies, I always feel like I don't want to go another day pregnant!! I wonder if Eve even knew how long she had? Did God teach her all the details? Was she informed?

I don't know any of these answers, but I do know, I'm glad I'm not Eve!!

Ellie is now 2!!

2009-09-10T22:59:00.003-04:00

Although I am preparing for a new baby girl coming soon...I cannot help but remember when my Ellie was born. Here are some of my favorite pictures of her just two short years ago...
Can you believe all that hair???

Memories

2009-09-03T20:06:00.003-04:00

The closer I get to my due date, the more my mind wanders back to when Ellie was born. I've wondered before if all moms do this. With Ellie's birth, there was no way I could've known beforehand, just exactly what I was about to face.

Our first day home from the hospital, we pulled up and the boys had colored signs and taped them to the outside of our house. There were flowers, and smiley faces, all welcoming home their new baby sister. The door was even decorated. When I brought her in, no sooner had I sat down and the boys were hauling into the living room her bassinet, showing her where her bed would be. Of course they all wanted to hold her again. After all the commotion had settled down, I nursed her and then she went into a seizure. I yelled for Kevin to come and see...QUICK!! When she started turning blue, I ran into my room and fell on my knees with her crying and screaming, "NOT MY BABY GIRL...NO!!!" I really thought she was dying. I laid her on her side, and Kevin's Mom and I started rubbing her back and patting her...all the while she was blue and convulsing. I saw my boys at the door, and asked Kevin's Dad to take them outside, so they didn't have to see this. Out they went. What I found out later, to this day brings tears to my eyes.

When the boys went outside, they knew something was wrong. They walked out onto the sidewalk and looked at each other. Derek, my oldest, was 9 at the time. He told us later that a Patch the Pirate song came to his mind, and he remembered Patch saying, "Well, when you don't know what else to do, just pray." So he looked at his brothers, ages 7,5 and 3 and said, "C'mon boys, let's go pray." And my little men, went to the side of the house, got on their knees, and asked God to help their baby sister.

Inside...as Kevin was on the phone with 911, and I was crying and patting Ellie's back...slowly she started taking small gasps of air. The color began to return to her face...and soon she was breathing again. I had no idea my boys were outside praying. How thankful I am that their Daddy had taught them to pray for people who were sick and to pray for their healing.

The next few days were a whirlwind of tests and tears. I could write of many things that happened...the emotions, the struggle, my baby. In the end we found out she had epilepsy. After a slight reaction to a medicine she was on, we finally found some that worked well for her. She was on the seizure medicine for 8 months, retested, and had outgrown the epilepsy. She is fine now.

As I prepare for this new baby coming and I remember and go through the feelings once more, the mental image of my boys praying for their sister is permanently stamped upon my mind. I know that "As for God, His way is perfect."

"Lord, help me to trust You and to have the strength to face whatever You may bring my way."

Motherhood

2009-08-27T22:26:00.004-04:00

(Once again, I have written my thoughts a photo has evoked within me. It is posted also on the blog "A thousand words and then some" on my sidebar.)

Ahh motherhood. Who knew what you would require of me? Tales and dreams of chubby little ones surrounding me on my bed, as I read them story books with colorful pictures. Fantasies of dancing around outside in the rain...my immature longings of motherhood. They captivated me. My innermost desires from the time I knew about having babies was to hold my own precious little ones. Kissing their little chubby cheeks...and tucking their smiling faces into a cozy bed at night, in a beautiful nursery,that I had designed myself and sewn together with love.

But Motherhood...you required so much more. More than I ever thought of. You greeted me on a married college students budget...where the corner of our kitchen became my adorable nursery. It consisted of a crib, a shelf, and hand me down bedding. So soon thereafter you greeted me once more, then again and again and again...and I now I am anticipating your return so soon. The blissful dreams of being surrounded by children has become my reality. Instead of happy children reading storybooks, some nights you have given me pillowfights instead. Dancing in the rain has become waterfights and waterballoons. Happy children sometimes squabble and fight, and my patience is tested. I never knew it would be this way. My dreams only included perfect children, and a perfect mother. You have shown me, I am not perfect. I get tired and worn out, and I don't want to read one more book...I just want to sleep. Yet, how much more fun is it to sleep with a cherished little one by your side...than to sleep all alone?

Motherhood...you demand much, but you give so much more. You give me the pleasure of getting honey on my face, through the kiss of a toddler. The laughter of a child...finally getting a knock-knock joke. The awe of a child seeing some insect for the first time...and it's all for me to enjoy.

My dreams may have been too rosy. My expectations of you unrealistic at times. Yet my love for you, Motherhood, grows with each little babe that comes to me. How wonderful life is, with you by my side.

My big helpers!!

2009-08-25T23:36:00.002-04:00

Kevin left 2 days ago, to make a trip to Belize. His main purpose while down there is to secure housing for us when we move in November. I am anxiously awaiting an e-mail with pictures!

The morning he left I sat the boys down for a chat. I told them that I am very pregnant right now, and I cannot do all that I normally do...as quickly as I normally do, and that I needed them to help me out. I gave each boy 2 simple chores. Derek (10) is to help with dishes, and to help David with his chores. Joey, (8) cleans the bathroom and his bedroom, David (6) is to vacume the dining room and living room, and to pick up things in the living room that do not belong. Many toys and coloring things tend to accumulate in the living room...thus Derek was assigned to help David, if the clutter was too overwhelming. Nathan, (4) is to pick up the shoes at the door and put them away, and to help Mommy get the clothes out of the dryer.

I also told them I was going to make a chart to check off their jobs. On the chart next to their name is a blank square. In that blank square I am keeping track of anything they do EXTRA each day that I do not have to ask them to do. They may not come up to me and TELL me what they have done, I must notice it on my own. Each mark will count as a merit. At the end of the 10 days, whichever child has the most merits will go out with Mommy on a special date, and will get a special toy.

Let me tell you...it has been truly amazing! I was only up for 15 minutes, and went to my room to get something. Derek had already went in there and made up my bed! After breakfast this morning while everyone was busy with their chores, Joey grabbed a broom and began to sweep the kitchen floor. I walked into Ellie's room to get something, and David was in there tidying up, and then he vacumed everyone's bedroom! They really like this!! And it sure makes things a little bit easier on me!

I usually take one of the boys with me at some time during the week when Kevin is home. They all seem to enjoy time out with just Mom. I really am amazed at how well they like this little merit contest.

My strength is made perfect...

2009-08-22T23:43:00.003-04:00

...in weakness.

A hard lesson to learn. At times I think I'm learning it AGAIN in a different way in my life. I feel as if lately, I've had to lay aside what I felt were my own "strengths"...in order to be stripped away from my comfort zone, and left with nothing around me but my own glaring weaknesses. Then my analytical mind would kick into overdrive. "Perhaps, the Lord...." or "Maybe God is trying to..."...when really I just need to allow myself to be led, down this path of weakness, down this trail of "no strengths". But what are we to do....when we are weak....when we have no strength of our own to fall back on...when we are put into a position where our strength is not needed...not wanted...not used? Are we to try and focus on other areas of our life, and strengthen them? I have felt as I have been going through this time...that I am to simply rest, and be led. To rest in the knowledge that my Father has a plan that I cannot see. I may not understand where He is leading me, but I do know that He is leading. To be content, to see my strengths, or what I felt were my strengths...sitting unused, because it is what the Lord would have for me right now. I may not know why, or understand what work He is trying to grow in me...but I can trust that He knows what is best. His strength IS made perfect....in my weakness. And isn't that what I would want anyways? To have HIS strength and not my own? To yield my way unto HIS way? To let go, and let God? To surrender, even the areas that I am strong in....to be weak and in need of His strengthening? Although it is a difficult lesson to be in the midst of, I believe I would want to learn it again and again and again throughout my life. To simply be reminded of how needy I truly am...of Him.

Princess Potato Salad

2009-08-09T16:31:00.002-04:00

I was recently making potato salad for a picnic.
As usual,
Whenever I am in the kitchen doing ANYTHING...there is my little shadow, curious and interested in whatever it is I am doing....and I LOVE IT! I set her up on the counter so she could see all the action. The potatoes, the eggs, the mixing and peeling. She was very intrigued, but mostly in the eggs, so I began to show her how to peel them...and she copied.

To me, it was very cute that she noticed where I was putting
the peeled egg shells, and she began to put them exactly where I was putting them. Notice the little hole her finger created...

Momma's little helper, my official "Princess Potato Salad"!!
Ahhhh, potato salad never tasted so good!!

Hamster update

2009-08-08T23:54:00.002-04:00

I thought I would update you on our little critter. I did try the Playmobile carriage. His little hind parts fit into the carraige, but the second he sat down, he was getting out...he's pretty smart. So I've been watching him, checking on him in his cage...just making sure all is well with our little pet. The other day David got him out of the cage and we watched him crawling around on the floor. I think maybe his legs were broken (poor, poor thing)...but it seems they have healed? One of his little legs seems to be back nearly into full usage...the other may have a small limp(...do hamsters limp?)

I noticed when he first became handicapped, he slept a WHOLE LOT. I thought it was because he was dying. He would eat a little...then sleep most of the day and evening. We just couldn't kill him. After a couple of weeks, it seems he became active once again. I wonder if all of his sleeping, was his body repairing the broken leg he may have had. I had never thought about it before, but I also wondered if little rat bones...regenerate bone cells and "set" when they are broken....like humans? Of course I will never know...what exactly was wrong, but it seems he is doing very well now.

Just thought I'd let everyone know.

What is your passion?

2009-08-07T00:53:00.001-04:00

A thousand words...and then some...: Assignment #5 - What is your passion?
As time has allowed, I have tried to participate in a writing challenge. Today I was challenged to write about my passion in life.

Deep within my heart, since I became a Christian is a simmering flame. I do not claim to be a great Christian, nor would I assume to describe myself as a great person of faith. I do have a fire though. It burns within me daily.

With every ounce of soul that I posses, I long, I desire, I yearn, to please the Lord with my life. Not for salvation, not for acceptance, not for the love of God, but to please Him. This desire, this passion, drives me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better person...to represent the One who gave me eternal life well.

This passion smites my heart when I fail. This passion holds my tongue, when I would like to tell someone what I think. This passion helps me to love someone, who has hurt me greatly. It drives me to make a difference.

No matter what the emotion I may be feeling, the fire simmers. No matter what turmoil I may have in my life, the fire simmers. I feel it within my soul...this longing, this pulling, to please my Lord.

May I live my life in such a way, as to feed this flame until it is more than a simmering fire, but an all consuming passion, that overwhelms me til I breathe my last breath...and my soul finally reaches heaven.

Fried Green Tomatoes

2009-08-06T20:04:00.002-04:00

I have had them every day this WEEK!!! I cannot get enough of them! Yesterday I made a delicious roast, with carrots and potatoes...the house smelled wonderful! When Kevin walked in the door, I asked him, "How does the house smell?" expecting to hear how great dinner smelled. Instead, he laughed and said, "well, it smells like fried, burnt tomatoes!" We had a good laugh, and guess what, it STILL smells like that!

We have been struggling to figure out our new internet service these last couple of weeks. Evidently, we have a certain amount of mega bytes to use (greek to me), and we have no idea what uses how much mega bytes...so it is a learning game right now.

We are preparing to start another school year, have a baby, and move to another country afterwards....lots to do lately!

I'd like to post pictures soon of the children and some of their summer time fun. Hopefully it will not take up too many of those mega byte thingies!!

I AM NOT A DUCK!

2009-07-30T15:55:00.002-04:00

33 weeks along. That should explain the title of this blog entry. When I was younger, (ahem), I knew that in these last days of pregnancy the inescapable "waddle" took over my body. I would fight the urge to just let my body move naturally...because it certainly didn't LOOK natural. I have found that now....it is painful NOT to waddle. So I walk slowly...or should I say I waddle slowly. I've always thought it was cute to watch a woman late in her pregnancy. There she is...ALL OF HER. If she was standing still, you could sometimes catch a glimpse of the little one within bumping around for some more room. I love to feel my own wee one wiggling around. The other night I was playing with her...(did I tell you it is supposed to be another girl!!!) She would kick, and I would rub her little foot. Then she would kick again in the same spot...and I'd tickle her again. It was almost as if, she would pause for a moment...wondering what it was that she was feeling...then she'd kick again. I do love these last days...but it sure is tiring on this body of mine.

Some of my maternity clothes have almost become immodest to wear, I'm getting huge now! Those of you who have had large mammoth sized babies know what I am referring to! Mrs. Joyce Nymeyer bought me a beautiful outfit with one of my winter pregnancies...and I still remember the day, the skirt was too tight to wear...I think it was an XL. That baby was weighed in at 9lbs 14oz, one potato shy of a 10lb potato bag. I've never looked at a sack of potatoes the same since that baby! Of course my little sweet angel Ellie, was 10lbs 40z....a little more than a sack of potatoes. How odd that I would compare my babies to a sack of potatoes!

We have moved into a 4 bedroom 2 bath apartment, PRAISE THE LORD! Much roomier I must say. We also have a washer and dryer in the unit, so this is VERY NICE! I about have things back in order and organized. So for the past week or so, that is where I have been, moving. Our internet was just switched on this week, so I should be keeping up with you more. Of course, It may not be too fast...because I am only waddling at this point.

Life or death?

2009-07-18T23:35:00.002-04:00

The other day I noticed our little hampster, "Hampy" was walking funny. How odd of a hamster to walk with his front legs, and drag his back legs...hmmm??? Later on I checked on him again, and sure enough...he was not walking right. I took him out of his cage and placed him on the floor, thinking maybe his chance at freedom, would "fix" him. It didn't. Then I noticed the bottom half of his body looked....smashed, flattened...definately not right.

I began to GENTLY ask the little boys questions, "Honey, did you drop the hampster today, or accidently drop something on him?" "Did you close him up in a door?" On this particular day, David (Hampy's owner-6 yrs old), had made him an outside home inside of our cooler. He added lots of grass and pretty rocks and soft leaves. I made sure to tell him right away to leave the lid open so he wouldn't suffocate. David always takes him outside, nearly every day and plays with him in the sunshine. He then will bring him back inside, put him in his cage...until the next day.

No one had any answers.

The next day Joey had caught a toad and put it in the cooler. I went outside to check on the boys and there was the toad...dead on the sidewalk. I asked Nathan, 4yrs old, what had happened. He told me the toad was trying to get away, and he went running to catch him, and stepped on him...but it was an accident, he didn't mean it. I got down on my knees and looked into his eyes and asked, "Nathan, did that happen yesterday with Hampy? Was he trying to get away and you stepped on him?" "Yes Mommy, but I didn't mean too!"

So now we have a handicapped hamster. My husband said it was inhumane to let him live. The problem is...he still eats, drinks, and drags himself all over the place, and neither of us can think of a HUMANE way to kill the poor thing. David still plays with him. Kevin still greets him each evening with, "Hey little rat, whats up???" I told Kevin, perhaps it would be better to let him die slowly...and just not wake up one day, than to kill him. He doesn't seem to be in misery at all? Poor little guy. Not sure what else to do now, but to let him live!! I thought about letting him go, to live his last days free!! Then I remembered the hawks I see every now and then flying by...How terrrible to let a handicapped hamster free...with hawks flying overhead!! I suppose we'll just keep him. I thought of making a little wheelchair for him out of some toys...we'll see how that project comes along.

So what do you think....

Childhood Memories

2009-07-14T00:35:00.002-04:00

One of the newest blogs I have decided to keep up on is:
http://athousandwordsandthensome.blogspot.com/

I really enjoy writing, and this is a nice outlet for me. Amy has given us a topic of Childhood Memories to write about. Many things have come to mind throughout my day, feel free to share some of your own Childhood Memories here or on Amy's blog if you'd like.

When I was 6 or 7 my grandparents lived nearby, and they bought a farm. The two-story yellow house was on a dirt road in a small town in Michigan. In the summer time, it seems we spent a lot of time over there. You would not believe all of the fruit that grew on this property. Grandma had cherry trees, apple trees, pear trees, even plums! There was rhubarb growing on the side of the garage. Grandma always had a big garden that housed many vegetables...but also strawberries! At the edge of the property there was a line of huge pine trees, and right behind those trees, was the vast Michigan wilderness. At various times in the summer and fall, we would find blueberrries, blackberries and rasberries. It was like an unending feast when we went to Grandma's house. I remember always getting in trouble for climbing the apple trees. I also remember getting stomach aches for eating too many green apples.

A lot of times in the summer, Grandma would bribe us to weed her garden. "If you weed the garden, I'll take you swimming." How we loved to swim! Growing up in Michigan there was always a lake within driving distance. We would sit in the garden and weed for a while, get hot and go play...then Grandma would come out and remind us..."GIRLS, I'M NOT TAKING YOU SWIMMING IF YOU DON'T WEED THE GARDEN!!" And back we would go, to get the garden done. I remember sitting there, making the plants stand out brightly against the dark soil...without the weeds to dim their color...how beautiful it was to me, even as a girl...to have nice clean rows of vegetables. I still love to weed a garden and make it neat and pretty. I remember one time, I was halfway through a row before I realized, I had been pulling the PLANTS...instead of the weeds! OOPS!!

We did get to go swimming... many times. I also watched Grandma can the vegetables, make jam, fill up her basement with rows and rows of pretty jars of homemade goodness. It was so lovely to me. I even helped make sauerkraut one year. I stood in a barrel filled with cabbage and other stuff, (I'm still not sure what it was) jumped up and down for what seemed like forever...and got out, my feet never to smell the same again.

I saw baby goats born at Grandma's house. I was also chased by a crazy turkey, that was as tall I was! Even though I was terrified of that turkey, I cried the day he was cooked...and I couldn't eat him! I'll never forget watching through the window, as his body ran around the yard...without a head!

Life had some sadness growing up, but at Grandma's house there were many happy memories.

Flu bug

2009-07-12T10:31:00.002-04:00

It has hit us. It began on Thursday with Kevin and David. Friday was Joey and Ellie's turn. Saturday it finally reached my stomach...and today it is Derek's turn. It seems to last between 24-36 hours. I'm not sure if it is because of the pregnancy, but it has completely wiped me out!! I think I was awake a total of about 4 hours all day on Saturday. I don't remember the last time I have slept so much. Today I thought I was better, so I got up and began to get myself ready for church. Derek woke up, not feeling so well, so we waited to see whether or not he was sick, or just tired. Sure enough, he was sick too. I stayed home with him, started cleaning up the "morning rush mess"...and all of a sudden I got sooo dizzy, I almost passed out. That happened twice yesterday. So now I am laying down AGAIN...with Derek to keep me company. Tomorrow it should be Nathan's turn, unless he has an iron stomach.

Kevin has been so good. I think as women we tend to push ourselves, even when we are very sick. Something in our nature I suppose, tells us to just keep on going. After all, we have a family to take care of right? On Saturday, Kevin took all the kids with him, to go to a picnic we had been invited to. I stayed home and slept. Then last night he took all of them to the store with him. As soon as I can find the picture I will post it....he had all of the boys in one of the little cars that are attached to the front of the cart at Stracks. It looked like a bunch of monkeys hanging off of it. I'm surprised he didn't get reprimanded by someone in the store, "Excuse me sir, only 2 children per truck is allowed." He said they all did really well. He didn't seem any worse for the trip either. The man has the patience of a saint I tell ya.

So now, I've been ordered by the man in charge to lay down...AGAIN, and take it easy today. Hopefully, this is the end of our visitor this week.

Corn on the cobb

2009-07-05T10:44:00.003-04:00

For the 4th of July we went to The Mock's house and had a cookout. The Mock's have 4 boys, so
all of the kiddos had a good time playing with swords and running around. Ellie and I stayed indoors with the other "women folk" and just chatted.

While getting some corn ready to cook, Ellie seemed pretty interested in helping. I gave her a peice of corn and was showing her how to shuck the cobb....

She was ready to jump right in and help....

She was fascinated that there was corn in the midst of all the
green stuff....then she ate nearly the entire ear of corn...raw!!

Iced tea

2009-06-30T22:37:00.002-04:00

Today was a busy day once again. I decided to shampoo all of the carpets. With the boys constantly running in and out during the summer, it seems many things get tracked in. Mostly pond scum from their exploring expeditions. I love that they are in a place where they CAN explore and find things...it's so good for boys to have this. We've seen many frogs... even huge bull frogs...that I would not want to meet up with in the middle of the night. They've found many turtles too, crossing the road to go to the pond. Once we even saw baby mallard ducks, crossing the road quietly with their mother. I wondered, "How does she keep them all quiet?" Needless to say, the carpet has been needing a good shampooing....although I just did it in April.

So for the good part of the afternoon, I shampooed the carpets. I go very slowly, and often times will go over a "well used" section over and over again. By nap time, I was tired, and the carpets were done, the house was clean...it's a good feeling.

At dinner, we had a chili-mac casserole with mixed veggies on the side along with freshly made iced tea. As is our custom...everyone gets a small drink with their food, and any refills they may have only after eating all of their food. I told the boys, "Please be careful with the tea, Mommy just finished cleaning all of the carpet." I should've known.

Joey, finished his first cup of tea, and decided he was going to get another drink. He didn't ask, and I didn't see him. I never let them pour their own drinks if the pitcher is full...only if it is under half-way full. You can guess what happened.

Tea...all over the table, dripping through the cracks, off of everyones chair...all around the table. I was just stunned. I sat their thinking through all of the work I had just done this afternoon. Moving the table back and forth to get it thoroughly cleaned underneath. I thought of my just saying, "Please be careful with the tea." I thought of how we never let them get a second drink until their food is gone. I wondered why...why would he even try to get another drink...from a FULL pitcher none the less. I scolded him out of complete frustration. I have been teaching them a lot lately about doing right. He knew it was wrong to get more tea...and did it anyways, and created a mess.

Joey and I both moved the table after dinner. He moved all of the chairs, and he picked up anything that was under the table for dinner. We cleaned the carpet AGAIN. Then we both moved the table back, and he moved all the chairs back. He helped clean the mess he made.

Sometimes I wonder...am I being too hard....am I being too easy? Certain things we have set rules about...but life happens, and those things don't always fall under a "rule" we have set. Do you make allowances for childishness at all? For instance, my "command" tonight was to be careful with the tea. Although it is understood...no seconds on drinks until the food is gone...it has never been stated as a rule. Therefore, when Joey tried to pour his second cup of tea...since it was not a rule, and I had not said anything about "refills" on drinks (at this meal)....was he disobeying and being sneaky....???? Or was he simply thirsty, and wasn't really thinking about anything other than, "hmmm that tea was tasty, I think I'll have some more!" Sometimes it is so hard to decipher....

And also....would I had been as frustrated by the whole incident had I not just shampooed the carpet? Was I annoyed because he poured more tea out of a full pitcher....or because he had soiled my newly cleaned carpet?

Not many people read my blog, and those who do...I highly look up to. So what would you have done?

Daddy...

2009-06-23T01:42:00.002-04:00

Father's day for me through the years was always a time I would make my Mom laugh. I would call her on Father's day and give her a homemade card...she was a single Mom most of my growing up years. I never had a dad in my home as a girl. These are simply my memories of what it was like. I now know, there are many Dad's who do not meet my descriptions below...again, this was what I really thought growing up.

As I thought about Father's Day this year...I thought of how good God has been to give me my husband. I wrote him this letter, and he told me..."You should share that"...so here it is, straight from my heart to my husband.

Father to me...

As a girl, when I thought of the word Father, it was mysterious. Cloudy visions of the man I knew as Father, faded quickly as time passed. Before too long, there was no face at all. I wondered at times, what he was like. Was he funny? Quick tempered? Pleasant? Did he like to have fun or was he quiet? Some of these questions, I still don't know the answer to. I learned the word Father...was not needed in our home. Nor did he need me. I was unwanted.

As a teenager, the word Father took on another meaning. I watched fathers around me. I learned that fathers care in their own way. I learned that fathers are sometimes distant...and seemingly do not want to be bothered. Some are easily disappointed in those around him, if things were not done their way. So as a teenager I learned the word Father...was distant, did not want to be bothered, and was easily disappointed.

As an adult, I have learned of a Father. He loves me when I am unlovable. He cares for me at all times. He always believes in me, and never gives up for HE loves me...I am His own. He wants my fellowship and attention. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is not distant, but close by in every time of need I may have. He loves for me to call out to Him and cry on His shoulder. He loves me.

I learned all of this from you. You have shown me, sometimes by your words...what my Father is really like. You have helped me to see, by your actions...that a Father never gives up on his children, but always believes there is a way, always hopes. You taught me my Father wants to hear from me...me. He is not distant...but close by. You have shown me what a Father should be. You have helped me see what I missed out on all of those years. You have been Christ to me. Thank you for being a Father...to your wife. I used to feel like I really missed out. What type of person would I be today, if I had grown up with a loving Father? I watch you now and I love to just sit by and see you love on Ellie. It warms MY heart to see you hold her and kiss her...as if by some odd way, that little girl within me is vicariously receiving the love she never had, by watching you love our daughter. Maybe it is strange for me to feel this way. I just love it though. It brings tears to my eyes...as I remember all of the times I felt unloved and unwanted. Now, I have a little girl, who will never feel that way. For she has a godly father. I'm so glad it is you. I love you so much. I am so thankful God brought us together.

The dropped Wafer

2009-06-08T00:41:00.003-04:00

Today was the Lord's supper at our church. It is a very quiet introspective time. We have taught our oldest three boys about the Lord's supper, what it means, what we should meditate on and when. They all know about the Lord's broken body...why He was broken. We've taught them to bow their heads after they receive the wafer and to pray and thank the Lord for giving His body as a sacrifice for our sin.

They all know it is a quiet time, no talking at all. It is a time for only praying and thinking about all that Jesus Christ has done for us. Nothing else.

This morning I was sitting quietly with my oldest son Derek. The plate was passed. I closed my eyes. I heard something drop. When I opened my eyes to see what it was, Derek had dropped his wafer. I closed my eyes again...then I heard Derek whispering...

"Mom...Mom....I dropped JESUS!!"

I almost started laughing hysterically right then and there! I just looked at him, and said,"It's ok, shhhhhhhh."

Then he started snorting because he was trying not to laugh. Then he whispered again...

"But Mom...(snort) I dropped Jesus!!"

It was hard to not snort with him...I was trying so hard to just remain calm, and calm him down...but the more he whispered frantically...the funnier it seemed to me! I don't think he was even trying to be funny. He just didn't know what to do when he dropped the wafer...and I don't think he thought I understood exactly what had happened. Hopefully we didn't disturb too many people around us... (Jennie, your parents were sitting in the row behind us)

Cheerful Endurance

2009-06-06T00:26:00.002-04:00

This morning I decided to read some specific verses pertaining to loving people. I pulled up e'sword and looked at nearly every word in each verse in the Greek. I have always thought of patience as "enduring difficult times"...being a "good" soldier. Today I was surprised to find out that sometimes when the word patience is used...the Greek definition listed "cheerful endurance".

I will be very open with everyone, (including myself) I have one child that is more trying than the others. He is very determined...and will sometimes choose his own way knowing what the consequences will be. At times I feel like I am "enduring" raising him. I know he has strengths, and that the Lord has a plan for his determination...but as a child, he is just very difficult to rear.

I was also reading ICorinthians 13 along with the other verses. I had read these many, many times. I have been taught these verses and their meaning many times as well. I noticed the words "long-suffering" and "patience".

I know I am not a cheerful endurer. I am not patient with others shortcomings. If something is wrong, and it is pointed out...make it right...period. Plain and simple. I should realize however, that "making things right" does not always come easy. Not for an adult or a child. The flesh is real and strong...people, including my children, have battles to fight that I cannot fight for them. They must choose to do right.

My heart was convicted realizing that I may be one person who will "cheerfully endure" my childrens shortcomings. I need to believe in them, in their weaknesses. I need to not give up on them...when they purposefully disobey time and time again. It grieves me so...and all I want is for them to just do right. When they choose to do wrong...I am not patient as I should be. If I am not patient with them, who will be? Where will they "feel" loved unconditionally...if not from their own mother.

May the Lord help me, to grow. He has "pointed" this out to me, and I want to make it right...plain and simple.

A Rat is a rat is a rat!

2009-05-26T12:26:00.001-04:00

David's little cute panda hamster is in the dog house.Thankful for him though, we do have a personal animal rights advocate living in our home. She is not yet two years of age, but already has a great compassion for the little rodent. Each morning as I get breakfast ready, or in the evening cleaning up after supper, she walks into the kitchen and plops down on the floor to check and see how he is fairing. (The rodent is placed on the floor in his cage pushed up against the wall because he is a genius...everywhere else we put him, he opens the door and gets out on his own.) So there sits our animal lover...right in front of his cage. I've seen her many times, open the door to the cage...mumble something in hamster language...then she just sits and smiles. Of course the hamster understands this is his key to freedom, this little person mumbling to him. Most of the time, I catch this little routine, scoop up the runaway and place him back in his prison...but sometimes I don't see it happen.

Thus was the case last week. He had been gone for two days. No one could find him anywhere. Before when this had happened, I had found him hiding under the cushions of the couch...in the framework...exploring. This time I could find him nowhere. The next morning, as I was getting dressed...I opened my bottom drawer.

In complete confusion I saw shreds of my maternity clothes. "What in the world???" I began pulling several pieces of clothing out, holding them up and seeing little holes all over them. As I moved the clothes around, I also saw back in the corner...a small pile of moldy candy. It was then that I knew I had found the escapee. Within moments his little head peeked out from the back of the drawer...and I am almost sure I saw him smile at me, thanking me for his little rendevous. I was not happy though. "NAUGHTY LITTLE RAT!!" I scolded. Then back to his cage he went...forever. He is grounded from his hamster ball. No more animal rights advocate. No more late nights out on the town either,or in my drawer for that matter.

I shouldn't be surprised though, after all, a rat is a rat is a rat.

Trees

2009-05-22T00:50:00.002-04:00

The last few days have been beautiful. Warm sunshine, a gentle breeze and blue skies...what more could a person ask for?! I was lying down, staring at a tree and in the background I could see the bright blue sky, in the forefront, the spring green of new leaves. My mind recalled how I had read in Psalms 148 before about the trees praising God. I often have wondered about that. Do trees have a voice inaudible to us? How do TREES praise God?

As I thought this over once again, while staring at this tree, it all made sense. We've all heard the saying, "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree". Each and every branch on that tree was growing somewhere different than all the other branches. Each branch was bent slightly different. Some had knots on them, some had yet smaller branches coming off of them...none of them were the same. "Hmmmm" I thought. "How like our lives?" We all come from different situations, backgrounds, strengths, and weaknesses. The branches make us who we are. Some branches are stronger...some have knots. All had leaves. I watched the leaves for a good 3 minutes at least. Just watching them reflect the bright sunlight, and be blown about by the wind. I noticed then that some of the leaves were flitting all over...others closer to the middle hardly moved at all. Some had a lot of sun reflecting on them...others, were growing in the shadows of the other leaves...and again I thought, "Hmmmm, how similar this is to people." There are those who are stronger, who can be tossed about by stormy winds, and still hold fast. While others need to stay close to the source of their strength...the Trunk of the tree, to keep from being destroyed. Some may not be able to withstand the high winds. Some leaves bathe in the glow of the sun, while others may never see the direct light of sun, but stay tucked away in the shadows...yet still growing. People. Created by God...why do we expect everyone to be alike? Each one of us has our purpose, and it doesn't need to be the same as everyone around us. Should the leaf near the middle of the tree be ashamed, because it is weak, and cannot withstand strong winds? Nor should the leaf, fed by the brightness of the sun all day.

I just want to be a leaf that the Lord can use freely, and move about at His bidding. I want to reflect the goodness of my Maker. I also want to remember, the beauty of the tree is not in my leaf alone, but all of them...bound together by one Trunk...many branches and all different. Now I see just how a tree can praise the Lord.

Baking with toddlers

2009-05-16T23:40:00.007-04:00

Tonight I decided to make some cinnamon rolls to raise overnight. Nathan and Ellie were VERY interested in helping me! Nathan kept licking the flour off of his hands, then trying to smash the dough again...

I really enjoyed playing in the dough with my little ones. They would just swish the flour back and forth all over the table....Ellie's jumper was covered with flour, and I loved it.

I showed her how to just pat the dough. She'd smack it, smash it, throw it in the pan, then do it all over again.

I've always cooked with my children. Usually just one at a time to help with pancakes, eggs, spaghetti sauce, cinnamon rolls, iced tea...

I love watching them enjoy life...enjoy learning...touching a new texture...tasting flour. They truly are a joy to my soul. I love them.

Comfort from the Lord

2009-05-13T09:35:00.003-04:00

It seems this week has been a very trying week for us. Each day has brought unusual challenges and unexpected tears. It is times like these when the Lord seems closer than usual, and although I cannot feel his arms ever near me, I do sense His presence and comfort. I have learned in my life, that in most situations, it is better to keep your mouth closed, until your thoughts are in order with the word of God. Until that point, anything you say is tainted with the flesh. Sad to say, this practice has not been perfected in me, though I strive for it. It is always nice to have someone to talk things over with when you are hurting. Someone who will not judge or interrupt. A listener.

There are times while praying, that my heart is so heavy, I really do not know what to say. I just want to be in the Lord's presence. And somehow, just bowing on my knees and closing my eyes...I receive comfort. There was a time in my life, when I thought if I had nothing to say, then why would I pray? I know that prayer is asking, but sometimes the soul needs comfort, and there are no words to relay the need...but God knows.

I have been longing for something, yet didn't know what it was. Yesterday, while watching my children play outside, little Nathan ran up to me. "Mom, you beautiful!" he shouted, hugged me, then ran away. Later, David, all covered in dirt, ran up to me to share some exciting adventure...I hugged him tightly while he chattered on and on, then he too ran off. I feel like I had been receiving comfort in my heart from the Lord, but I needed something with skin on, a person.

I teared up thinking how good God has been to me to give me these 5 wonderful children and a loving husband. Through difficult days, they are here for me. Each hug and "I love you" just comforted me, and warmed my heart. I know that they need me, but this week I needed them. God has loved me, through my children.

Pedicures and Puddles

2009-05-07T20:25:00.003-04:00

It was a nice day again today. The grass is such a beautiful green...I love all of the different shades of green in the spring. The boys were outside a lot this afternoon, while Ellie and I napped. After I got up, I was cleaning and getting dinner ready, so we still didn't make it outside. Then it started raining. It rained for about 30 minutes pretty hard and the wind was blowing all the rain sideways. I also love storms so I was hoping for a good one to watch. When the rain stopped, the sun quickly came out again, and the boys headed back out the door. Ellie by this point was standing at the door crying, she just wanted to go too!! Dinner was done, but I was still waiting for my brown rice to cook. (Why does it take SOOOO LONG?!?!)

We both headed out the door...Ellie in her bare feet. The boys were running through puddles, even dumping puddle water on each other! YIKES! I took Ellie to her first puddle, and she looked up at me and smiled as if she were thinking, "I can do this too?!!" Then she just went back and forth, back and forth, splashing and giggling at this new activity! It was such a joy to watch her. Then I noticed her little toenails. I had given her a pedicure on Sunday night, while we were at home (due to allergies and gunky eyes)...she sat still the whole time, I think enjoying all the attention. I even put a little white sparkly flower nail sticker on her big toe and sealed it in with a clear polish.

Every time I saw those little pink toes pop out of the mud puddle...along with the sparkly flowers, I just couldn't help smiling!! What a joy it is to have a girl!! A balanced girl that likes to have fun too!! Praise the Lord for His abundant blessings on my life...oh and for the puddles!!

Invisible Mosquitos

2009-05-04T14:09:00.002-04:00

They are my enemy today. I know many of you LOVE homeschooling, I am trying to get to that point. Right now I almost like it...almost.

Today it is a lovely day outside. I really wanted the boys to get done quickly so they could enjoy the sunshine, and I could go shopping before I am too exhausted to even want to go. Now it is well after lunch time, and Joey is still not even half way done. All because of the invisible mosquitoes.

It all started two hours ago with a math test. A very simple, 12 question math test. I looked it over, he knew all of the answers and concepts...it wasn't even a timed test. There he sat...counting by 5's. I looked over at his paper, and he was writing the numbers about 6 inches tall...just because he could. Then the mosquitos came. They were either invisible or microscopic and only liked to eat on Joey. There must have been a whole swarm of them...they encircled his entire body and began to bite him EVERYWHERE! He scratched furiously on his head, arms, inside of his shirt, (I have no idea how they got in THERE!) even on the tops of his earlobes. When I told him to stop it, he did, but then shook like a addict going through withdraws. I let him carry on so for a while. Then I told him if he couldn't stop he would be taking a shower and then finishing his test, before completing the rest of his work. It seemed to work for about 30 seconds.

It is always something. I've thought before about switching curriculum just for him...but I don't think it would keep the mosquitoes away. Maybe they just like math?

A decade gone

2009-05-01T09:55:00.003-04:00

Today Derek is 10. The other day he made a picture with all the wonderful things he did while he was 9. It was pretty impressive and creative. Of course this fall and winter we spent 4 months serving in Jamaica... a great experience for all of us. He drew a picture on his poster of climbing a mountain from when he visited the villages with Kevin. Snorkeling in the ocean off of a deserted island...flying on an airlplane, reading books. He even wrote a book while we were in Jamaica, called "Derek's Daring Adventures" a book about an ogre. We typed it up, exactly as he wrote it. He played baseball on a team for the first time last summer. Many wonderful things happened while he was nine.

I cannot help but to think of these next 10 years of his life. Then he will be gone. What kind of example will our home be for him? Will he look forward to having a home just like "Mom and Dads" or will he be awaiting the day he can leave? Will I be a good example of a wife...a mother? Will he see God in our home, and know that He indeed is real and alive? Will these last few years show him there is no better life than that of service to the King of Kings? Where will his heart be after 10 more years?

Parenting is indeed a huge undertaking. Yeilding daily to the Lord, asking for wisdom and love for all these little ones that unknowingly test our patience. Striving to make God real in our home...real to them. We walk that fine line between showing them how to love God...and "making" them love God. In this next decade, he will decide. Where will his heart take him?

His time in our home is nearly gone. Lord help me...to do this job you have set before me the right way, with the right spirit.

Such Love

2009-04-24T00:08:00.002-04:00

Perfect love casts out fear. It does. So why do I fear? As of late I've been faced with a nice dose of reality...about me. As I was thinking about an overwhelming situation (to me), I thought and prayed, "Lord, I just cannot do this! It is impossible for me! I'm sorry Lord, I'm not what I should be, I'm not as strong as I should be, and I don't have what it takes to do THIS!" Then I cried, saddened by the awful thought of my own failure and inability to be what God wanted me to be. The entire day was miserable. In my heart of hearts, in the deepest corner of my soul...is a longing, a simmering fire...to please my Lord. When I realized there may be something the Lord wants me to do...that I simply COULD NOT HANDLE...it just devastated me.

I've thought on this all week. I've prayed and apologized to the Lord for my weakness, my inabilities, my failure to be what He needed me to be. As I prayed the other day, once again pouring out my heart to God, in the stillness of my tears, the Lord impressed upon me another perspective I had not thought of.

God has always known my insecurites. He knows my feelings of failure. He knows my weaknesses, my strengths. He knows about my emotions, my desires, He knows my heart and soul. He knows what I am truly afraid of and He even knows why. And yet, my heavenly Father believes in me. He is all-knowing...and He believes in....ME! Would He ask of me something beyond my ability to achieve? Would He ask me to do something He already knew I couldn't do?? Absolutely not. Therefore, if He asks something of me...although I feel insecure and fearful, weak and unable...if He asks me, then He believes I am able. He believes I am strong enough. If my Creator, the One who knows me, believes in me...why should I fear? I know He knows me better than I know myself...so if the Lord believes in me, He is right and I am wrong. I am able to do His will for my life no matter how difficult it may seem or He would not ask it of me. I really trust Him. I believe He loves me. I believe His word. How can I fear with a love so real and so strong?

Breathe them in

2009-04-22T00:28:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure if it is pregnancy hormones, but somedays seem to be a little more nostalgic than others. Today it was smells. I was very much aware of scents that I have always loved. Some that I had not really thought of, but they still bring a warmth to my heart just to breathe them in.

Coffee brewing in the morning, the smell of the rain on a dreary overcast day, homemade waffles cooking, a baby's neck after a bath, and candles. This is a new one to me, that I never realized I liked so much, but, white clothes that have been bleached, coming out of the dryer. I absolutely LOVE clothes dried outside on the line (however, it rained all day today). I am so thankful that God put within my heart the ability to enjoy such simple things. I've met so many, who just don't. I hurt for them sometimes, to think of all they are missing out on.

In my mind, I think, within the heart of every woman, is a strong pull to be a Titus chapter 2 woman. To be sober, (disiplined in our thoughts)...to love your husband, to love your children, to be discreet, (minding our own business) chaste, keepers at home, good and obedient. In our day and age it seems that everything being taught to young women is almost opposite of all of this. Many women are not content, and are being pulled in all directions to succeed, to do it all...full time job, housekeeper, wife, mother, community leader, church helper...etc. etc. Do we miss out on the simple things, because we are so busy doing other things? Do women today, have the time to enjoy the smell of coffee brewing, or are we doing too much? Doing so much, but enjoying so little.

There are days when it seems I am doing, doing, doing, for EVERYONE!! I give to my husband, I give to my children, I give to others, I give time for the Lord...and at times I begin to get a little frustrated wondering..."WHAT ABOUT ME!" When I take the time to just slow down...I realize I am called to serve. To serve my family. When I focus my mind on this task...serving, I feel peace and contentment in my heart, in my duties...and I enjoy the simple things that come my way.

I've often thought about the end times, the millenium. When Christ will rule and reign as King. How will He want our homes run? What will our roles be? What will please the King of Kings? Could I try to do some of that now...to please Him with my life, with my role, with my duties? What is it that we will enjoy in those days...in our everyday life? Is it possible to enjoy those things now? Will we enjoy the simple everyday things in our lives? I think so. I think the Lord made us to enjoy many things, if we would just slow down and take the time to breathe them in.

2009-04-16T23:52:00.003-04:00

Have ya ever said something to one of your children and then thought, "Did I just say THAT???" I have, many times. Someone may need a good laugh today, so I thought I would share my "momisms".

"Son, you CAN'T THROW FURNITURE!" (spoken to a 3 yr old, who had hurt his knee by running into an old flimsy coffee table, then shoved it. I walked into the room, as it was tumbling over.)

"Quit climbing the wall please." (one of the boys was actually scaling a wall in a hallway.)

"Did you just wipe boogers on your brother?"

"Quit eating all of your toys, or you won't have ANY to play with!" (we have one son who was worse than a puppy, he chewed on everything!)

"Son, you cannot do that, you need to use your brain and think..." 4 yr old child whispers to his brother, "I don't even know what a BRAIN looks like!"

I'm sure I have many more written down in a journal somewhere in storage...maybe you'll see a book someday with the title, "Things you should never have to say to your child." Or better yet, "Things you never THOUGHT you would have to say to your child"!!

Have an onion!

2009-04-16T23:42:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure why, but Ellie has been really interested in onions this week. I keep my onions on the bottom shelf of a microwave cart, and she found them. I suppose it may have been the way they crackle when you peel them, or maybe the sound the entire bag makes when you move it around. I found her contentedly sitting on the ground while I was cooking, with the bag of onions between her legs. I was curious as to what she was doing, so I just watched. She peeled each little layer of crinkly skin, would look at it, smash it a little, then throw it to the side. This went on until she reached the white part. It was like she really didn't know what to do next, the crinkly stuff was all gone. Then she held it up and smiled at me. I told her it was an onion. Then she tried to take a bite. She never broke the skin, but just smiled. That was a couple of days ago. Tonight, she did it again, though she has yet to taste them fully. There were onion peels all over the kitchen...little white onions rolling all over the floor, and one little girl, happy as can be.

Things that matter...

2009-04-11T23:52:00.003-04:00

Prioritizing. How many times have I heard an older woman say to me..."Honey, your children are only little once...you can have that spotless house in order when they are grown and gone. Take time now to enjoy them while they are little. Sit and play with them. Soon they'll be gone, and you'll wish you would've let the house go sometimes to enjoy them, but it will be too late." Having 5 children, it seems I've had to accept the fact that I wear a sign that says, "GIVE ME ALL THE ADVICE YOU HAVE!" I just cannot see the sign! I have heard that little speech many, many times though, and it causes me to stop....and truly let the words sink into my head. Then I prioritize.

I enjoyed making a bow for Ellie to wear tomorrow. It matches her dress that I made for her. As I was hand-stitching the bow...the breakfast dishes were sitting in the sink.

I found a large cylindrical glass vase for Joey. He had a bucket full of tadpoles, but couldn't see them. So we scooped out four of them, and put them in the see through vase to watch them swim around. It is sitting on the top of my refrigerator now.

Tonight after the boys were done with their baths, instead of making sure the bathroom was "spick and span", I sat down and painted Ellie's fingernails a pretty pink.

There was a time, when I did not sleep well if everything in the house was not in order. Nowadays, if the house is in order...but I was grouchy and snapping at the kids to get it that way....I do not sleep well. Lest you think I am a slob...I'm not. I have learned a lot in my journey of prioritizing, that sometimes it IS more important...to get that vase for the tadpoles, than it is to vacuum the floor before the baby goes down for a nap. The vacuuming can wait...but an excited boy with a bucketful of tadpoles cannot. I want to take time for things that matter in my home. For my family, my husband and children....for little pink fingernails, and magnifying glasses, tadpoles and hide and seek...Thomas the tank engine...reading stories...learning about fish and animals. I'm sure the day will soon come, that I miss that vase of tadpoles sitting on my refrigerator. But, I will have a happy memory of sharing an exciting time with my boy...and THAT is what really matters.

A new kind of Courage

2009-04-08T01:17:00.002-04:00

There are many things in my life that I enjoy doing. One thing I really love, is to simple sit with someone, or talk to them on the phone, and encourage them in some way. For me to share my heart with someone who is hurting or struggling, and to give them a new perspective on a problem they are facing...there is nothing like it to me. Often these times are spontaneous, and unexpected by me! I walk away from these times, awed and amazed that I had ANYTHING to say, that could help someone who was hurting. Praise the Lord, for His word. For teaching me through so many times in my life, that He is able...that He is trustworthy...that His word will change lives, give hope, and heal broken hearts.

I have always been very cautious to not offer my opinion when someone is talking to me. At least I think I try to be. I'm sure there are times, when I have wounded someone, by hastily offering words that I thought would "help"...but actually they didn't. Because of this, I do not look for ways to encourage those who are hurting. I want to help people, but the fear of saying the wrong thing oftentimes keeps me silent.

I was caught off gaurd in my praying today. I was praying for a lady, that had opened up to me this week about some heartache. I asked God to give me courage to encourage those who are discouraged. When I said it, I stopped and thought to myself, "Hmmm, I think I'll remember that!" In my heart I long to help those who are hurting. I want to take my own past hurts and mistakes, and give hope to those surrounded by what seems to be insurmountable odds. I know God is able. May I have to courage I need...to encourage the discouraged.

Easter dresses

2009-04-07T01:12:00.003-04:00

One of the many things I absolutely LOVE about having a girl, is to watch her love pretty things. Here she is 19 months, and I am still amazed at this little one, who will wrap a dress on the back of her neck (she thinks it is actually on her), then smile and dance. She even raises her eyebrows sometimes, if it is something very pretty to her.

I bought some material to make us matching Easter dresses. After I cut out the material, I found I had plenty to make a dress for a dolly, and a few little hair accessories. The next morning when I showed her the doll with the new dress on...her face, just lit up in a huge smile. She hugged the dolly so much, then she'd pull her away, look at her again...then hug her once more.

Tonight I was making my dress, well actually it is a skirt and top...maternity. I had bought some pretty trim to go around the hem of both of our dresses. I couldn't believe how perfect it was! There was just enough for both of our dresses. I love to sew, but having a girl to sew for, has put an enjoyment in the task, a simple pleasure, that was never there before. As I sewed, I remembered a few things from years gone by.

How often did I pray for the Lord to give me a baby girl? Hundreds of times maybe? I begged and cried....I felt a yearning in my heart that I had never known, for a baby girl. There were times I had to leave a store, in tears...because I saw a beautiful dress, and I wanted to make one for my own little one. I know it may seem odd, seeing I have four wonderful boys...to long for a daughter so greatly, but I did.

Elliana means, "God has answered my prayer", and I am so thankful He did. She brings a joy to our home...that we never knew we were missing before.

Falling for Joey

2009-04-03T15:30:00.004-04:00

Most of this past week, our van has been in the shop getting some minor repair work done. Last night, the whole family was suffering from cabin fever, so we decided to go out for the evening. After dinner, I asked Kevin if we could stop at JC Pennys to see if they had any kids clothes on sale. All of my boys have worn through their jeans...no hand me downs worth handing down anymore. Also, with Easter coming up, I like to look around at all the dress clothes, before I make a final decision on what to get for the boys.

I thought for sure the kids section was upstairs...but it wasn't. We were on our way to the escalator, when I told Kevin, "I got Nathan" and lifted him onto the moving stairs. Down we went. I looked behind me before getting off and saw everyone had safely made it onto the escalator, and off I went in search of a sale, with Nathan. That left Kevin holding Ellie, with Derek, Joey and David following. Several minutes went by, and FINALLY, they all showed up. Of course my question was, "what took so long?" seeing as they were literally right behind me. Then I got the "You wouldn't believe it if I told you" look.

Kevin said, he was holding Ellie, the boys were behind him, and when he got off the escalator, he didn't hear anyone following him. He turned around to see that the three boys had run UP the DOWN escalator, and were sitting on their bums riding back down. Typical boys. As he stood at the bottom waiting for them...there were two elderly ladies following several steps behind the boys. At the bottom, off comes Derek, off comes David...and there sits Joey. Poor Joey, everything seems to happen to him. As he is sitting there, trying to get up, his coat is caught in the escalator...ummm he's not moving anywhere. The two ladies are trying to back UP the DOWN escalator, to avoid crashing into poor Joey, stuck in the stairs...they are also yelling, "ahhh, he's stuck...oh...he can't move....AAAAAHHHHHH!!!" However, their frailty and age, are preventing them from being very succesful in their attempts to get away! Kevin said, they almost fell right over the top of Joey. Kevin reached down and yanked Joey up, just in time. He did lose a big chunk out of his coat, but other than that, no one was hurt! I think next time, we'll take the elevator!

Thankfulness

2009-04-01T23:10:00.003-04:00

....so many things to be thankful for. So many things I "could" complain about...but for what reason? My spirit is so affected by my outlook. What I allow my mind to dwell upon, strongly determines my mood. I must be disciplined in my thoughts...I MUST...there is no other option. To have the mind of Christ, to dwell only upon those things which would be pleasing to Christ...that is my daily goal, and sad to say, my daily failure. And yet I strive.

Thankful for...

A God, who loves me as a daughter
Salvation, which gives me hope, and a reason to live
Heaven, where my tears will be wiped away
My Saviour, Jesus Christ, who died for ME...when I deserved to die...who took my place.
Thankful we are the victors, no matter how defeated we feel. One day...we will win the final battle.

My husband. The greatest man I know. Nearly perfect in every way.
Derek, a boy who just seeks to please, and is helper by nature. He loves our family...
Joey, for his spunk and determination. His boldness for God that puts me to shame sometimes.
David, for his smile that lights up a room...for his sense of humor that makes me laugh until I cry.
Thankful for Nathan...that he is now talking. Hearing him sing, fills me with warmth in my heart...his loving nature and kisses.
Elliana, for her smile...and always wanting to hug...thankful she is seizure free, no more epilepsy.
Thankful for this life within me...another bundle of joy to add to our family, that God has blessed us with.

For a place to stay...that is snug and cozy. Thankful my little ones are always within earshot, to keep them from getting unkind to each other, I hear everything. A nice field for the boys to play in, and a pond...to spy for frogs and turtles. Thankful for a warm shower...for a warm place to sleep. I'm thankful our needs are met....God truly has been sooooo good.

Morning snuggles

2009-03-31T23:38:00.002-04:00

Nathan has become such a little cuddle bug. In the mornings, he curls right up next to me, and just sits there close by. I love it. My other boys, when they were old enough to walk and run....well, the cuddling pretty much stopped. Too much to see and do! David wakes up in the morning just ready to go conquer the day. I love it that Nathan, just wants to be close to me for a while.

Today, I was snuggling with him, and nuzzling his neck. He laughed and giggled pretty loud, so I growled and nuzzled. "AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!"

He laughed louder....then he said,
"Don't eat me Mommy!!"
"OOOOOHHHHH but you taste so sweet!!" (nuzzle nuzzle, growl...)
"But Mommy..." he stopped giggling,"you can't eat me..."
"How come?"
"I have bones!!" And then the nuzzling stopped, because I was laughing so hard! Ah the wonder of a preschoolers mind! Gotta love it!

2009-03-28T00:59:00.002-04:00

My little Nathan just loves trains. For his last birthday, and even Christmas, we find any gift that has to do with Thomas the tank, because we KNOW, he will really like it! He especially loves Thomas's friend Toby. It's funny, because he knows every other engine and character by name. He even knows some Thomas the tank songs. I love to watch him playing with his wooden train tracks...lost in his own little imagination of clickety-clack and friendly little engine songs.

Last night in devotions, as we were praying...it was Nathan's turn. He began to pray for "Duncan and Toby...and for Thomas and Percy...." He even prayed that they would go to heaven someday. Although we have told him, it is just for fun...in his mind, they are friends of his. He likes to play with them, and pretend. I love this age...so fun and playful.

Playing with fire

2009-03-22T00:39:00.003-04:00

A couple of summers ago, Kevin showed the boys the wonder of a magnifying glass in the summer sun. I believe he scorched a couple of ants, caught something on fire, and made a mark on his own hand. They never really have tried to do any of it on their own...until today.

It was a beautiful day outside, almost springlike. The boys did their Saturday chores, then played outside ALL DAY! It was great. At lunch time, I tried and tried to yell for them, and get them to come home but they couldn't hear me. Kevin has a special whistle for them, and it carries a long distance, but I cannot whistle the way he does. Finally nature called, and David had to come home. I looked out the window to see he and Nathan walking across the field carrying sticks. It was so cute to me. I tucked that one away in my memory bank. The older boys came in about 30 minutes later, grabbed their sandwiches and juice and went back outside. I never saw them again until dinner time.

They all came in just full of energy and excited. Of course they all start talking at once about their adventures, and someone says, "Joey burned Derek's bum! And Derek burned Joey's bum too!" Yes they did. They took the magnifying glass, and the other bent over very still, while the sun began to do it's work. Amazing. It works every time! Derek was describing to me what it felt like. At first he said, you couldn't feel anything, then it would get a little warmer, a little MORE warmer, then YYYYOOOOUUUUCCHHHH! I just shook my head, crazy boys! I can just see them trying that one! Joey had found a pair of gloves, put them on, and burned a whole in each one, I'm surprised they didn't catch the woods on fire! It's great having boys, they're so creative too. I am always amazed at the things they come up with and attempt...things that I would never have tried.

A dirty mirror

2009-03-14T17:34:00.003-04:00

We have a full length mirror on the outside of the bathroom door. The little ones love to go play right in front of it. It seems so pointless to even once a day wipe off the fingerprints, because right away...there they are again. Truth be known, I love finding little fingerprints. It reminds me we have little people here...and I do like little ones.

I was praying this morning, and telling the Lord about my weakness. You know, the one weakness that crops up it's ugly head...unexpectedly, and takes you by surprise? Yep, that's the one. I told the Lord my sins reminded me of the dirty mirror, with smudges and prints all over it. How thankful I am, that He wiped them away. Yet it seems that as soon as I remind myself I am forgiven, there are a couple of new smudges that I had not seen before. Thus it goes. I feel like sometimes this one particular weakness is more than a smudge though, it's more like a scratch right in the glass. Every time you look into the mirror, there it is, and it never goes away. "Oh Lord, will I ever get the victory? Will this weakness forever be etched upon me?! Can you fix and mend a marred piece of glass?" I prayed.

And from that thought I realized...
I see now just how much I need God's strength, for the "scratch" in the glass is ever before me. I see it on a regular basis. Each time I confess the "smudges" of sin...I also pray for strength to gain the victory over the huge "scratch" glaring back at me from the glass. Praise the Lord for our weaknesses, for it shows us how much we really do need God in our lives!!

Boys will be boys...I guess!!

2009-03-01T01:48:00.004-05:00

Joey, Joey, Joey....

(sigh)...I hesitate to share this, but just had to write it down so I would remember. Especially when he is a teenager. I will use this someday...to my advantage.

I'm sitting on the couch after dinner, reading. Everyone is busy playing or coloring. Joey, rushes in the room, jumps in the air shouting, "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!!" Wondering what in the world is he up to now...I look up, just in time to see him turn around, bend down, and pass gas VERY LOUD...before laughing hysterically and running out of the room!!

WHERE DID HE COME UP WITH THAT!!!!????!!!!

I realize I will probably NEVER KNOW...and probably do not want to know!! However, with Joey, he probably came up with it himself.

Kevin had a nice long talk with all of the boys before bedtime. Appropriateness and manners were RETAUGHT. They were told, "If you have to pass gas, you quietly go to the bathroom and do it...you don't run into a room and announce it!!"

After bedtime, when all the boys were going to sleep, I am not kidding you...

We'd here some giggling....then a boy would come running out of the room with a huge smile on his face, run into the bathroom, close the door...and pass gas...then run out laughing and jump into bed!!! Not quite what we had in mind. I think everyone except Derek got up a couple of times to run to the bathroom.

Today, poor Joey...he got in a hurry to run to the bathroom and pass gas. He jumped up, ran to the bathroom, opened the door, stuck his HEAD in the bathroom (with the rest of his body in the hall)...then passed gas in the hallway. I was laughing so hard I was near to tears!! Actually the whole family was laughing, (you can see the bathroom door from the living room).

Oh yes, I will use this story in the future I am sure of it!!

Life as viewed from a sardine can

2009-02-25T17:44:00.002-05:00

Right now our family of seven is living in a two bedroom apartment. My husband said it is roughly 900 square feet. It has been an adjustment for us all. Before, there was always somewhere to go if someone was annoying someone else...just to be alone for a while. It is pretty nigh impossible here! I have found as well, that, with boys, they like to have their own space. It doesn't matter how big or small, just something to "rule" over. Their own territory. Joey has designated the top of his dresser as his area. He has an elaborate display of his toys that are "untouchable" to his brothers...all piled on top of one another. Oh the arguments that has caused.

It seems like whenever I am in the little kitchen, there is always a baby, (Ellie) or Nathan holding onto my legs or getting their little hands in something they should not be in. My counter to prepare meals consists of the top of a microwave cart...pretty small.

I've always been pretty adaptable. I tell myself, this is only temporary, I can handle this. Does it really matter if I only have a small space for a few months? No. I can make it work. I just wonder on some days if I will still have my sanity!!

Last night Kevin was playing with all of the children. Derek was giving piggy back rides to Ellie and Nathan. Their were children EVERYWHERE it seemed...all laughing and having fun with each other. Ellie couldn't figure out which back was the one she was supposed to climb onto. I loved just watching them all play and laugh.

For bedtime, we have one bunkbed for the older boys. Then we place a twin mattress and a crib mattress on the floor, and the other two boys sleep there. It's perfect. Everyone has their own little bed, blanket and pillow. Ellie sleeps in her pack and play right next to our bed. At night time before I go to sleep, I always go and check on the children. I see them all sleeping peacefully....bodies and beds everywhere, and I smile. Ellie wakes me up in the morning by touching me (yes, her bed is RIGHT next to me), and I am happy. I'm thankful for my family, thankful for my children, and thankful for a nice place to live.

Although we are pretty tight in this little place, there are moments when I realize...it is good to be all together, squished but happy in our little sardine can.

Balloons

2009-02-21T23:58:00.002-05:00

I do love balloons. They are so nice for a party of any kind. My children all love balloons too. We had 8 for David's party, the helium ones. For a few days now, they've been floating around through the different rooms like part of the family. Today was their farewell day...farewell to the helium that made them so perky and fun.
I heard all kinds of commotion during Ellie's nap, (my nap too!). I peeked out the door to see what was happening, and there were the 3 older boys and Kevin on his knees, playing volleyball with 5 balloons!! They were having a great time! This evening after baths, I was getting clothes out for church and here they come....the fat, waddling, and lopsided little boy bellies. They stuffed balloons in their shirts and pants, and were bumping into each other. All the laughing and fun got Ellie's attention, and then she brought me a balloon. I was interested to see what she would do, so I took the balloon and said, "Thank you sissy!!" She mumbled something in her little baby way, then lifted her shirt!! She wanted a lopsided belly too! So I stuffed a small balloon in her shirt and off she waddled, laughing like all the boys!

Isn't it amazing how children will just squeeze every ounce of fun from anything! Be it cardboard toilet paper tubes, deflated balloons, or a peice of gravel. I need to be more like that myself. I think I take myself too seriously sometimes. With all the responsibilities of running a home...do I ever "squeeze" all the fun I can....out of anything? Do I ever laugh (like my children) to the point of loosing my breath and having to sit down for a minute? Somewhere along the road of life, I think I grew up too much. Pretty soon, my little ones will not be interested in balloons so much...and I'll remember when they were, and wish I had been.

My little sweetness

2009-02-20T23:01:00.003-05:00

There is nothing like having a girl. Especially after four boys...there is nothing that even comes close to the joy she brings to my life. She is the sunshine of my soul.

Tonight we decided to go to Cracker Barrel for the first time in months. We took up two tables...and they put us right up front for a nice "dinner show" for the other customers that were eating. I sat Ellie next to me on one side, David on the other. While we were looking at menus and deciding what to order, she kept putting her hand on my arm. I'd look at her to see if she was trying to get my attention, she wasn't. She just laid her hand on my arm, and was looking around the restaurant. When I buttered her corn muffin, and handed it to her, she kept touching my arm as she was eating. Just loving me.

When we were done eating, she was looking around at the tables around us...smiling at the people, making friends...all the while resting her hand on my arm. I love that girl.

David's Pet

2009-02-20T00:34:00.004-05:00

We finally had some time this evening to celebrate David's 6th Birthday. He was so excited! We invited some children that were in his Sunday School class. I bought him this huge birthday hat and a pin that said, "Birthday Boy". We always decorate a special chair with balloons and streamers. I love red streamers, I think they are my favorite....I like them especially if they are paired with the bright yellow streamers. I found these streaky colored helium balloons too...very festive looking! I am not a very good birthday cake decorator...so I bought one! It looked like a cake, but was actually cupcakes that were just completely covered in frosting and decorations...again, very festive! He was just sooooo excited! A party for him and friends coming over!!

We decided since we couldn't get a puppy, we'd get him a hamster. I had him in his little box he came in, inside of a gift bag, with tissue paper. Then I put the entire bag in Ellie's pack and play. Right before we opened gifts, Kevin went to check on our rodent. Well, let's just say he was GONE....and had chewed his way through the box! So with all of our party guests waiting on us and eating cake, Kevin, Derek and I were on our hands and knees in my room trying to catch the little varmint! We finally chased him into a wipe box and closed the lid.

We have taught our children manners about opening gifts. We've told them to be thankful, regardless of what the gift is....no shouting, "but I already have THIS!!"...be thankful and say Thank You! So after David opened all of his gifts from his guests, we handed him a wrapped bag of liner for the hamster cage. It looked like a bag of hay. The kid smiled from ear to ear, hugged the bag and said "Thank you" with a huge cheesy smile!! We then gave him a hamster ball...and he wasn't quite sure what it was. When we gave him the hamster...he saw the little paws through the wipe box...and just stared for a second or two. Once I opened the box though, he was ecstatic. We set up the cage, and he has been staring at it, petting it, and trying to get it used to him all night. He really likes it. Tomorrow is naming day.

FLEXIBLE

2009-02-12T00:03:00.002-05:00

This is my life long lesson. My ever present reminder that I am not yet perfect. Just when I think I have learned the fine art of being "flexible"...I am sorely reminded, by my frustration...that I have oh...so so much more to learn.

We arrived back in the states on Wednsday, February 4th. The noble plans I had dreamed up in my organized mind. Starting back up homeschooling. What to do with the little ones, while I worked with the three older boys. Where they would all work the most productively. The first suitcase I unpacked and organized on two shelves...was our school materials.

In order to make up for all of our moving and packing this year...we started school the second week of October. We planned it that way. We were moving to another country, packing up an entire house, putting our things in storage, and packing for our trip down to Jamaica to live. Instead of starting and then stopping...then starting again in less than a month, we just decided to wait and start later. It works well, because we try to do year round schooling with just a few weeks of a break.

So here we are. Instead of doing school work, everyone is sick. Really sick. Little David has slept for 2 days straight. We have the flu...the 5-7 day flu. My house is a disaster area because I have been so dizzy, I can hardly stand. I thought today it was easing up a bit, so I cleaned up the kitchen...then had to lay down. I made a pot of homemade chicken soup, with Ellie holding onto my legs crying. No one really wanted to eat it though. I had a bowl, then lost it all. Kevin is feeling achy...but ate LASAGNA AND CHOCOLATE CAKE today!!! I can't even keep down Jello.

So I'm learning to be flexible, although in this situation, I really do not have much of a choice.

BROTHERS!

2009-01-21T23:34:00.004-05:00

All of the children were laying on their bellies coloring this afternoon...music was playing, everyone was happy. I looked up and this is what I saw:

Derek had taken one of Kevin's socks, stuffed Ellie's dolly into it, then tied it to a coat hanger...and hung the poor thing from the curtain rod! Ellie didn't even notice until we pointed it out to her. Her reaction was quite funny...she looked up and smirked like she was thinking, "Now Baby, how DID you get up there?" Then she ran towards the baby doll with her hands stretching up trying to save her.

Having a girl after all of these boys sure is interesting!

Ellie's Lizard...part II

2009-01-21T00:32:00.002-05:00

Remember when I said, "I walked out of the room and when I came back in...her head was in the pitcher."?

Well, later on tonight...Nathan brought the pitcher to me. I looked at the dragon, and he was not well. In fact he was not moving...at all. I thought he might be playing dead? So I dripped some water on his body(chinese water torture), to see if he would move...he did, just a teeny bit, (nerves maybe?) I left the pitcher in the sink, to see if the thing would start moving if left alone. Then I continued cooking my supper. I checked back a little while later...uh oh...not good, he was on his back. Never saw a lizard do that trick. He was soooo dead. Although I had goosebumps all over my body, I picked him up with a papertowel, and it was then that I noticed...his back leg was missing.

Now, when he was on my dishes...I do remember seeing four legs...I think? I really hope Ellie didn't eat his leg...that is just nasty. I think I'll go throw up now.

I was frantically searching for a camera while her head was in that pitcher...but Kevin had it with him at the Bible study tonight.

Ellie's Lizard

2009-01-20T19:07:00.002-05:00

As I walked into the kitchen to start supper....peering at me with little black eyes...was a lizard. He was sitting on my clean dishes. He didn't move. I screamed for Derek a couple of times, and then he came running. He grabbed a gallon pitcher and scooped him up, and put the lid on. The menacing thing was about 4 inches long, and 1inch wide. Just creepy. Funny my boys are always catching these things and chasing them...but they give me the willeys! (Whatever willeys are?) Nathan discovered the little guy and started carrying around the pitcher. That's fine, as long as he leaves the lid on right? But then, how can he see him? So off the lid comes. I walked into another room to get something, and when I walked back into the kitchen...Ellie had the pitcher. Her entire HEAD WAS IN THE PITCHER!!! She was giggling! I was not. My only little girl is NOT GOING TO LIKE LIZARDS!! Yet, there she was...face in pitcher...making friends with a reptile. Not good. If that wasn't bad enough, she held the pitcher with one hand, smiled up at me, and then stuck her hand INTO THE PITCHER WITH THAT BEAST!!! I was shreiking at this point, yelling for Derek...I just couldn't touch it!! Then...THEN...SHE DID IT....she grabbed the lizard and pulled him out of the pitcher. And there she was. My princess, my angel, my one girl, with the biggest smile I have ever seen on her little face. The kind of smile, where the eyebrows lift up, and the eyes almost jump out at you. There she was, with that smile....and a lizard in her hand. Precious.

In His Time

2009-01-09T22:35:00.002-05:00

My heart is overloaded...weighted down with saddness. Trying to make sense of a senseless tragedy. A dear friend of ours lost their teenage daughter today. She was a Senior in high school. I could go on and on about Amanda. Laughter, she was always laughing. Not just the occasional belly laugh, or a sporadic giggle...she laughed all the time...and her smile was always on her face. It took up most of her face.

I remember the first time she came to my house with her older sister to babysit. I think she was 8 or 9. She was so excited to be helping her big sister on a babysitting job. She would come every so often. Always smiling. Playing with the children. At church I would see her either with her sisters or friends, always smiling and friendly to everyone. She just loved life.

When Nathan was born he had seizures and was transported to Chicago. We had three other children at home, and was desperately searching for someone to watch them so we could both be with our new baby. Amanda and her older sister Allison came to our house, and stayed overnight for a few days watching our children. Allison was in high school, Amanda was in Junior High. We made it back to town one evening around dinner to check on the other boys. When we walked in, Amanda was washing clothes, and Allison was washing dishes. The house was clean, the boys were happy. They are just caring and giving people.

So many memories. I remember always seeing her with her Dad, walking many times with her arm entwined in his. Smiling. How his arm will ache for her to hold it one more time.

The only comfort I find is through tears of grief...and in knowing that God has a time for us. A time to be born, and a time to die. It is already written down in heaven...our time, her time. As it is appointed unto a man to die...so it was appointed unto her to die. It was in His time....not ours.

The still small voice.

2009-01-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

David has come to me two days in a row now. Both times he had been playing outside, both times he had a very saddened look on his face. Both times he said, he heard someone in his heart telling him to leave his family. He didn't want to leave his family, but this "voice" kept talking to his heart. After a discussion on Samuel and David in the Bible...I told him, "The Lord may be talking to your heart, but he doesn't want you to leave NOW...he just wants you to know that He is speaking to you...and He wants to know that you hear HIM. "

It is an odd thing to see one so young, concerned because God is speaking to him. We have never talked to the boys about God speaking inside of your heart. We've taught them many things, but never specifically this thing. It frightens me. It reminds me that God has chosen all of my children for a very special purpose, that I know nothing of. This causes me to tremble, thinking that I have in my home a servant of Almighty God, and though still a child, God has great plans for him. How I long to be a Godly mother, and point my children to the Lord.

My little monkeys

2009-01-05T17:38:00.002-05:00

The boys have just adapted so well to Jamaica. It amazes me. Of course I should've known!! Lizards, moutain trails, wild fruit growing everywhere...besides all of the little girls chasing them just to rub their head! They love to rub the "white boys" heads, and touch their skin. Poor Ellie has been pinched by nursery babies many times. Babies who may have never seen a white baby before.

It has been a time of learning for them as well. They have seen poverty first hand. They have held the babies that have no food. They have seen the one room where an entire family sleeps. They have walked the mountain trails, with bags of food to feed the poor...the poor. I mean really poor. Not "American" poor. Not lazy. Men, building apartments, mixing the mortar in a whell barrow. Carrying cinderblocks, passing them up, to form a wall. Men digging with shovels...men doing anything they can to buy for their family. Selling tangerines walking from car to car for hours. Men painting on the side of the road...hoping someone, anyone, will buy one of their paintings. Even the women are hard workers. They come to the market on Monday...some sleep in the market until Saturday, then ride the bus home. The Jamaican people are hard workers, but they are still very poor.

It has been good. My children have learned through seeing. Hopefully they will never forget.

First Baptismal Service

2008-12-28T17:41:00.002-05:00

Today, Kevin received permission to baptize in the pool at the hotel where the church services are held. We had no idea how many people would come today. We were packed out! I had 20 children in the nursery...the size of a small dorm room! Kevin had children sitting on the floor up stairs, ran out of chairs. The room was packed. After preaching, everyone headed to the pool, and 3 people were baptized. It was exciting! We had a total of 86 in attendance today, many first time visitors...4 of which were adult men that another man in the church had invited. I don't know if it is more exciting to have new visitors, or more exciting to see other members bringing people! God certainly is good!

Christmas in Jamaica

2008-12-28T17:34:00.002-05:00

well, this was our first year outside of America for Christmas. Initially, I thought I would really save stress and time and MONEY...by ordering gifts, having them shipped to family, and then shipped here. The toys here are just outrageous! I spent a total of $230 just in shipping costs. Then I did not receive the boxes until the Tuesday before Christmas Eve! I did save money though. We got Derek a K'nex ferris wheel...I paid 14.99 for it on Amazon...I saw one here in the store for $60 USD. That was only one gift. Ellie got a baby doll that cries, it came with a little bed, pillow, and bottles. I paid 14 dollars for the doll online...here...a plain doll with nothing is $26 USD. Leggo's are really expensive too.

All in all we had a very relaxing day. The boys got some blow up toys for the pool. One was a pirate ship...5 feet long! They also got a log jousting set, where they sit on these blow up logs and take these bopper things and try to knock each other off. It was hilarious!! None of us could even stay on the logs, not even Kevin, we all kept rolling off!

We had a great day...

Santa Clause

2008-12-13T00:46:00.000-05:00

This may very well be the year we tell our children, there is no Santa. We've always presented him as a story...but never really said "HE is NOT REAL!" I, like others, love the excitement about the whole story.

Tonite David, (5) said, "Mom, if I was Santa, I would take toys to all the poor kids. I would go to their house, knock on the door, and let them sit on my lap. Then I'd give them presents. That's what I'd do if I was Santa." Then he just walked away. We were not discussing anything. I was cooking, and in he walked, said what he had to say and left.

No where in the story of Santa Clause is there an explanation why poor children do not get toys.

Pamela

2008-12-13T00:45:00.000-05:00

Kevin went out tonight, to go counsel a couple, take money to a single mom for food, and medicine to another single mom. He and Joey stopped and bought the largest family size value chicken (like a KFC bucket) with all the sides. Chris and Pamela have been coming with their daughters now for several weeks. Chris just got a job last week with a construction crew. He rides his bike everyday back and forth to work. It takes Kevin 20-30 minutes to drive from where he lives, to where he works and this man rides his bike. He cannot afford to take the bus. When Kevin got to the area where Chris lives, a 20 yr old man named Peirce, (who also has been coming for several weeks and just loves being saved) he tells Kevin he ran all the way down to see him. Kevin told him he had to go see Chris and Pamela...Peirce says, "alright, I'll go with ya!" (He loves being with Kevin) Kevin stashes all the chicken into a backpack, because a lot of kids have gathered around...and he bought this food for Chris. He gets to the house, and Chris is working late, not home yet. So Kevin pulls out all of the food. Pamela starts crying. She tells Kevin, "See, now I was telling God tonight how some things are just not right, and here you come with all of this food!" The Lord had used Kevin...he told me he felt really strong like he should take them dinner.
Remember Peirce is there too. Kevin says, "well Peirce, I'm sure we have enough, why don't you fix yourself a plate?" Pamela says, "Get me one of those plates..." She put 4-5 peices of chicken on it, about a third of each of the sides, 3 corn on the cobbs, and says to Peirce, "Here Peirce, take this to your family, I know they could use some too." Then she takes another plate loads it up with food, and calls for her nephew, who lives in another room in the same house..."Take this to your momma..." THEN she goes and wakes up her 2 little girls, who were asleep...but never had anything to eat. This just kills me!!! Here is this woman, who was crying out to God how this is just not right!! No food to feed her babies! She puts them to bed hungry, and here comes Kevin with all this food. The girls were already asleep when Kevin got there. (this part just grabs my heart and makes me cry) Then she gives over half of it AWAY!!! Before she wakes up her own kids to feed. If she had no food tonight, she'll probably have no food tomorrow either, yet instead of keeping it for leftovers, she gave it. I have NEVER IN MY LIFE SEEN CHRISTIANITY IN ACTION LIKE THIS...sad to say not even in my own life.

I am humbled, I am moved to tears, and I want to give everything I own to this woman. To give food to others....I just am amazed.

Groceries to Bay Shore

2008-12-13T00:44:00.000-05:00

Kevin and I were up all night thinking of Pamela...and her amazing Christ-like spirit. This morning, we were talking, and decided to take up groceries. We spent $75 USD. Bought a lot of staples, rice, flour, sugar, butter. 12 packs of ramen noodles. A couple of whole Chickens, mackerel, salt fish (they love it here), spice packets for the meat...some cookies for the kids, oatmeal and some other odds and ends.

Kevin said since there were 2 houses right in a row, (Peirce is one of them) We should divide out some for his family.

We carried it all up the mountain, (Joey and David carried it on their heads like the Jamaicans do) We took it into her house...a single room with 2 beds...a two burner stove in the corner, a dresser...and a small standing area. Kevin read to her Luke chapter 6, and explained to her how Christ-like her spirit is. He told her, that was why we brought the groceries. She rambled for a while (I couldn't understand much of what she said.) She had tears in her eyes, and she smiled a lot. I hugged her when we left.

When we went to Peirce's house...his mom was also in tears. She talked about how difficult the government makes it on the poor. They create no jobs, then they put a large fee to be paid for the schooling of the children...and then the food is so expensive! She said it has been "ummm about 2 years since I've had a chicken" her exact words. She works , her husband works, and Peirce works, when they can find work...I buy a chicken like EVERY SINGLE WEEK!! SOMETIMES TWO!! It just blows my mind away, that anyone can be so destitute they cannot afford a CHICKEN!!!

It is good to be used, to provide such basic needs to others. My husband is so amazing to me...He really loves people...He had to leave the line at the grocery store, he was in tears thinking about those little girls not having food to eat..."why is it that my children always have food to eat...and these children are put to bed hungry with no food?" was his question...

It's because of Christians in America who give to missions. That is THE ONLY REASON WHY! The only reason why we have food to eat, AND HAVE MONEY to fill another child's bellly. Thank you, for all of you who give.

Dating my boys

2008-12-11T17:00:00.002-05:00

Today was my date with David. We drove down to a Hagen Daas, and had ice cream and coffee. I took his reading books with me, and we did some schoolwork too. It was fun. Then we walked over to the drugstore, looked at neat things, puzzles, books, Christmas decorations, then toys. As always on a date with one of the boys, they get a little gift, and a peice of candy. I got David a puzzle about David and Goliath, and a cell phone with gum in it. On the way home, I told him about all the things I love so much about him.

Before too many years pass by, I don't think they will enjoy their time with me quite so much. I really want to seize the time now while they are young, and do everything I can with them. We cook together, clean together, go out together, sing together...I guess these are the "Together Years". I never want to get too busy to enjoy these simple, but busy days when they are small.

Presents for Jesus

2008-12-09T00:40:00.002-05:00

Today for our family day, we sat down and discussed our plans for this year's "Happy Birthday to Jesus" present. Each year our family adopts a family, (one year it was an orphanage in Mexico) and we do Christmas for them. Since we are on a very poor field this Christmas, we really couldn't pick just one family. So we decided to do Christmas for all the children who come to our church.

We guessed an average of 40 children come regularly. And off we went shopping. The boys did so well today. Helping pick out toys, bringing me things to see if we could get it...a lot of times it was just PERFECT, I just hadn't seen it yet!

As we were checking out at one store, a man came to the register (he worked at the store), and asked if we were toy shopping. Since we had all of our children with us, he asked who we were shopping for. Kevin explained what we were doing. The man said, "That's really odd, because just last night I was thinking I needed to do something for some children this Christmas!"

Come to find out, he is related to the owner of the store, and I think he was the store manager! He got our name, number, and address, so hopefully we will be hearing from him soon!

I love it when you can see God's guiding hand in everyday life. We could've been there earlier or later, and not even seen that man. God is so good to us

Comfort Food

2008-12-06T21:49:00.003-05:00

Whenever we give Ellie cheetohs at lunchtime, she falls asleep eating them. Kevin caught her on tape this time.

Family Day

2008-12-06T00:55:00.001-05:00

Kevin has declared Monday's family day. So far, we usually go shopping and out to lunch somewhere. When we get home, the boys do school in the afternoon. Today, we decided to go "exploring" on the southern coast...east of Kingston. We took swimming clothes just in case we found a place to go swimming!

The roads down here are horrible! So we drove close to a couple of hours on winding roads, through several small towns right on the coast. Every now and then we'd get a glimpse of the ocean, (Caribbean sea). Each small town you drive through looks like....well the ghetto. Downtown ghetto. With lots of people walking all around. I was getting a little down at heart. Here we were driving, driving, driving, and all we were seeing was ghetto!!
Just as we were coming into an area known as St Thomas, we came around a curve, and there it was, the most beautiful bright green and blue waters. The sun was so bright it was reflecting off of the water, and there were sparkles dancing on the waves....BREATHTAKING FOR SURE!! It took a few minutes, but we found a turn off to the shore...the beach was trashed, garbage everywhere, but RIGHT NEXT TO THIS BEACH, was a fenced off beach, very clean!! There was only one lone person at either beach, just sitting there looking at the water, and they left when we pulled up. We all walked to the water, which also was the end of the fence, crossed over to the other beach, and settled in!
I'm not real fond of ocean swimming, and the Lord knows me...so on this private beach, He had a roped off area with buoys floating on the water, so we would know where it was safe!! Sandy bottomed too...I walked to the end of the buoys and it was barely past my waist!!
We had a great time! The water was really like bathwater! The waves were hardly noticeable. Joey chased crabs around alot. Nathan and I looked for shells, we all went swimming...AND WE WERE ALL ALONE!!
We noticed at the end of the beach were these huge rocks...too tall to even climb. So we walked over, and saw that on the other side of these huge rocks was a small beach area, surrounded by the mountains. It was like a little cove, hidden from veiw until you went way over. So Kevin walks into the water, (waist deep) walks around the huge rocks, and gets to the other side where the cove was. Soon enough we all made it over. There my boys found a huge lizard crawling up the mountain, and lots of bamboo that had washed ashore. We pretended we were the Swiss family Robinson...it was so much fun! Derek carried the bamboo back to the other side later, and floated on it the rest of the day.
Serving God is Awesome! I was thinking today, it is amazing that we even have an opportunity to serve in this country. God has directed our path to this destination for the time being, and yet we still get to enjoy it as well.
Anyhow, sorry this is so long, We just had a great day!!

Nice Baby

2008-12-06T00:54:00.001-05:00

On our way back from our swimming today, Kevin showed me an area where he has been visiting and soul-winning. I go with him to one area, but there are two others where he and the boys go. So as we drive through this neighborhood, Kevin stops at this thing....(It looked like a container on the back of a semi-truck, but much smaller.) He tells me, he knows the woman who runs the place, a little snack shop that sold juice, cookies, and snacks. I told him "I'm not going in there! I don't know those people!" He told me, he'd been in there several times, and the same woman was always in there, just go in there, get a drink and tell her Brother Kevin said Hi.

Out I go, to the entrance,(there was no door). I walk up the metal steps through a narrow doorway. Maybe 2 feet in front of me is a metal grate that goes the length of this shack, on the other side you can see the cookies, and chips hanging, and drinks on a little shelf about eye level. Lest you think this a small Wal-greens, or dairy mart....ummm no!! There may have been 4 different snacks TOTAL and 4 or 5 drinks THAT IS IT!! As my eyes adjust to my surroundings, and I'm trying to decide what to get, there is a man in front of me, and two men to my right, that smell strongly of gangha, (Jamaican for weed ladies!) I look calmly to my left for the nice lady....and I am greeted by a tall man holding a little girl. YAY ANOTHER FEMALE!! (****reminder:all these men are black!!)

I look to my right at one of the overly friendly faces I saw when I walked in, and asked, "Do you work here?"
he smiled (of course) "No baby, he does" and points to my left.
I look at the man with the baby, order some cookies, pay him, thank him, get my change, and turn to walk out.

The man by the door, looks at me and smiles as I go by and says, "Nice. Nice baby, nice" and just keeps smiling and staring at me!!
As I walked past him, I said, "ah, thanks? BYE!"
he keeps smiling and says"YAH BABY!"
I could see Kevin in the car the whole time. He thought I was having a nice conversation with the "lady". I got in the car, smacked him and thanked him for sending me into a place full of black men on dope! When I told him about the "nice baby nice nice" comment, I thought he was going to cry!! He was laughing so hard!!
Then he had the nerve to say, "she wasn't in there?"
I said,"NO THERE WASN'T ONE WOMAN IN THERE!! JUST 5 MEN!!"

Lord, may my eyes affect my heart.

2008-12-06T00:53:00.001-05:00

Today our whole family went visiting in a mountain village called Stoney Hill. On our way to the village, we saw a sign for a children's home, drove through it, talked to an adult and found out it was an orphanage. Pray we might be able to hold some meetings there.

When we got to Stoney Hill, we parked the car and all got out. From the road, all you could see was a couple of shabby buildings, (the size of the bathroom in the lobby at HAC)....and a small trail going in between.
People were EVERYWHERE!! Walking on the road, standing all around, coming, going....EVERYWHERE!! We followed this dirt trail, and soon it shot up at an angle, with little steps. Dogs and cats were coming and going, and at one point Joey says, "HEY MOM LOOK!!" And what to my wondering eyes should appear? Not Santa, but a little goat, nibbling on a banana leaf?!?! As Kevin talked to some stoned looking men, me and the boys stood around talking to the children who ride the bus. Derek pointed up and said, "Spiders mom!" Sure enough, right above our heads were stretched 4 or 5 electric wires, and dozens of spiders perched on their webs, spread thick between the wires, with flies and bugs trapped and suspended....RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD!" I quickly stepped to the very edge of the trail, just as one of the boys (not mine) found a web, with a spider connected, and began to play with the spider!! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!

We continued up the trail, and were met by a group of 5 or 6 twenty somethings sitting around. Kevin greeted them, gave them tracts and invited them to church this week, and on we went. Soon there were tin fences of every size shape and color lining our little trail on both sides. Every now and then, there would be a gap in the tin, and there would be a little block shack. As far as you could see, there were trails and shacks, tin fences, and thick vegetation.

I was amazed that people could live here. We spoke to some people. I witnessed to two ladies (who had already come to the church and were already saved) and I thought to myself...."How many villages are there of this magnitude and size...around the world? How many people walk dirty little trails, littered with garbage, every single day of their life....around the world? How many children know the mountain trails like the back of their hand, but know nothing of Christ? And where are the Christians? Where are the ONLY people in the world, who can give them hope? Their only hope is of eternal life....you could never "fix" their poverty, you could never "fix" all of their struggles and heartaches, you could only give them hope of a different life in Heaven... yet where are the Christians? How many villages around the world, sit hopeless without a single wittness?"

I will be going back every Friday with Kevin. My children will see poverty and want...and so will I. May my eyes affect my heart, and change me, that I may never be the same again.

Jamaican Snack

2008-12-06T00:52:00.001-05:00

When the mission group was here, Pastor Kimmel took them to an island and they all went snorkeling. Me and the kids didn't go, but Kevin brought them back a cup full of 12 little hermit crabs. They boys have loved playing with them! I took some huge preschool leggos and made a maze out of them, then we put the crabs in the maze and watched them all run around trying to get out! Great fun!

A few days later, David was making a maze while I was cleaning. He told me he was going to get a couple of crabs, then came in with the crabs and a 3 inch dead flying cockroach. (Huge wings) Since it was dead I kinda ignored him...he thought the crabs would try to eat it. When the crabs were not interested, David took the roach out of the maze and laid it on the floor.

Fast forward a few minutes....

I had just put some clothes away, and walked into the room, and saw Ellie chewing on something. At her age, she is always putting something into her mouth! So I swiped her mouth, and she screamed and cried, while I pulled out a leg....of the roach!! I kept swiping, she kept screaming, and I retrieved another leg, several peices of the wings, and I think part of the head!! After all the trauma, (for Ellie and me) I decided, this would be a treat for some people...ya know, like beef jerky for Americans...next time,I'll just hand it to her, " Here's your roach Ellie, come and get it!!"

Contentment

2008-12-06T00:51:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite times of the day is after the kiddo's bedtime. The house is still. I can sit down without any interruptions. It is the brief moment in every day when I realize I am a person too! All day long I am doing for my family. Cooking, cleaning, dressing, changing, and on and on I could go. Mothers and wives forget themselves to serve their family, it's what we do. It's who we are really, except for a few moments when all is quiet and you're left alone with YOU! Most days I'm so tired, I just sit down and read something, or get on the computer and read on this site. After an hour or so, I prepare for bed, and turn off the lights, check the locks on the front and back doors. Then I turn on the bathroom light, for wandering boys at 2am. I go to the boys room, and I get down on my knees. I kiss my sleeping Nathan, and touch his soft brown hair, and I pray that he will talk soon, that God would give me wisdom to teach him how to form sounds with his mouth. I then cover all the boys up, I make sure no one is sleeping sideways, or a body appendage is not hanging off of the bed. When I slip into my bed, it is so peaceful, I rarely have any trouble falling asleep. Sweet sleep from serving all day long. The work is sometimes hard, sometimes long, always messy, and not much appreciated by toddlers and preschoolers, but such peace is felt in my soul, that I am a Mother; and I wouldn't want life any other way. This is contentment for me.

"You're Outta Here!!"

2008-12-06T00:51:00.001-05:00

Two of my boys are in T-ball this year. It has been so much fun to watch them play this summer. Their little bodies cannot hardly contain the excitement of being able to play baseball...IN A UNIFORM!! I love to hear them first thing in the morning, "Do we have a game today?" Then 3 hours before practice, "Can I put on my uniform now?" When they get up to bat, they have the face of a rough tough burly ball player. I love watching their games.
Today, as always, they were very excited about their game. David is usually up to bat first, it took him a couple of innings to get on base, but he did hit the ball. (T-ball) The first inning, Joey was in the outfield, a ball was hit, and Joey faked like he tagged someone out. He didn't know you were not supposed to do that...he had never been told, but it is a rule. He got THROWN OUT OF THE GAME!! There he sat on the bench the rest of the game. The hardest part of the whole ordeal, was knowing how excited he had been FOR DAYS about the game, only to sit there the whole time. I decided when we signed the boys up, I would not get emotionally involved when the coaches coached my boys. If they got yelled at, I would not get upset. If their coach got on to them about something, I would be thankful they were learning to be men. This was a hard one today. When Joey said to me, "Mom, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that." I just told him, "well you know now for next time." I think some things have to be learned the hard way. Following rules, even rules you don't know, you must learn them. It isn't easy watching your children learn things, by being left out, or hurt in some way. I think though, that the lesson learned will never be forgotten. Joey will forever remember the day he got thrown out of his t-ball game. And so will I.

Profile of a Real Boy

2008-12-06T00:50:00.001-05:00

Have you ever watched Charlie Brown? You know the character "pig pen"? He has a dirt cloud around him everywhere he goes...and his face is always dirty. I think I am raising a pig pen descendant in my home. This poor child. To look at him, you'd think he was an orphan. It doesn't matter how early we get him up, how long we spend getting him ready, how MANY TIMES we redo his hair or tuck in his shirt....he just falls to pieces from top to bottom in a nano-second. He's the one we find outside with his shirt all the way unbuttoned, running around like a Hispanic gang banger...all he needs is a giant medallion hanging around his neck. He can never find his shoes, because he left them outside in the rain. His favorite orange t-shirt he buried in the dirt to see what would happen to it. Well, it's in the trash. Some bug got a hold of it, and there were so many holes in it, it just wasn't worth saving. He filled the ice trays with soapy water, to see what would happen when it froze. I can tell you what happened, Daddy's sweet tea bubbled at dinner that night. He spills something at every meal. When he gets chicken nuggets at McDonalds, the dip pack explodes all over him. He doesn't own a tie without stains on it...and he usually doesn't eat in his dress clothes! (Figure that one out for me!) It's not like we are raising him different than the other boys. HE is just different.

He is also our boldest wittness. He never meets a stranger. He is overly friendly to everyone, and never forgets a name. On deputation he is our "public relations" man, passing out prayer cards, "Hey did ya get one of these?" He invites most little people he meets to church, asking them, "are you a Christian?" In your face and to the point. He is the subject of most of my stories, good and bad. He is 110% all boy. The poster child for ADHD. I actually considered getting a sample of Ritallin to see if it would calm him down any. (I didn't, I have my own opinion on that stuff) He is my rough and tough boy. He's a joy and a terror. He also has a fierce sense of justice...loudly pointing out when his brothers are not being fair. Yet, he is also political...remaining very quiet when he is unfair to them. What would the world be, without real boys?

Thomas the Tank

2008-12-06T00:49:00.001-05:00

Nathan began the day, wanting to go potty!! I was so excited! Praise begat praise and Nathan was grinning from ear to ear! Out came the Thomas the Tank big boy underwear. Just a few short minutes later, I saw him walking around and they were a little crooked... somehow? I then realized, he was SOOO excited that he kept going in the bathroom, taking them off, sitting down for a few seconds, flushing, putting Thomas back on, (inside out and crooked), and repeating the whole process several times! At one point Kevin was trying to fix little Nathan's crooked "Thomas the tank", and he was crying. After watching and trying to figure out what was upsetting him so much, (he does not talk yet) we realized he wanted to see "Thomas the tank" except the picture was on the back side of his underwear! Of course Kevin was trying to put them on the right way, and Nathan was not too happy about it! Finally we decided if it didn't bother him to have his underwear on backwards all day, then it wouldn't bother us either! Off he walked happy as a clam. Did I mention, he has a tendency to sneak outside when no one is looking? (I once found him in the van, with the keys in the ignition, the van running, windshield wipers on, pretending to drive.) So if you see a little boy with his underwear on backwards running through the neighborhood, he's mine!

The Righteous Navy

2008-12-06T00:42:00.001-05:00

My boys love the Discovery Channel. Actually we all do. We like the explorer stuff. Alaska, the desert, the jungle, all the neat places we'll never go, it's great fun to see. One of the programs is done by a man named Bear. There are days when my Joey will dress up like Bear, who usually wears khaki's of some shade, and a baby blue or white shirt. I've come home from grocery shopping and found Joey running around in his one and only white dress shirt, and blue dress pants exploring the world through his imagination.

I decided that instead of stunting their imagination and not allowing them to play in dress clothes, I would go to the Salvation Army and get some old stuff for them to play in. I told them earlier in the evening where we would be going and why. They were all so excited! Right before we loaded up in the van, Joey asked me, "Mom, are we still going to the ummm...the Righteous Navy store?"

I actually had to think for a second, what was he talking about? Then I remembered Righteous-Salvation, Navy-Army...a little mixed up I guess. Same difference though right?

Sunshine!

2008-12-06T00:40:00.002-05:00

Have you ever smelled sunshine? To me sunshine is the smell of a toddlers hair, nuzzled up against my face, warm and sweet from playing outside after lunch. A big hug with every inch of a little boys arms wrapped around my neck, my cheek up against his cheek, smiling and laughing...the scent of his curly blonde hair, it's sunshine. Laying on an old quilt in the backyard, staring up at fluffy white clouds, seeing things together in the sky, you may smell it... sunshine. Or you may catch it's scent after a huge waterfight! When everyone is soaked and too tired to run, it's rays will wrap you in it's warmth and touch a baby's head with it's kiss...sunshine. A scent unlike any other. Have you taken the time to smell it? The scent will touch your soul with a warm joy to carry you through any day. Try it. Tousle your baby's hair out in the sun, and just breathe, I promise it will calm and refresh your spirit. Sunshine!

Tomboy?

2008-12-06T00:40:00.001-05:00

Having all the boys and then the girl, I've often been told, "well, she'll be a tomboy that's for sure with all of those brothers." To be honest it annoyed me. I have enough boys!! I really want my girl, to be a girl and to like being a girl, and to like girlie kinda things!! I was then told by a friend, that she felt like it all depended on how she was raised. If she was raised being allowed to run around with all the boys, then she would probably be a tomboy, but if she was taught that ladies and girls are different in some of the things they do, then she should be fine.
Now with the boys, I've never ripped a doll out of their hands and screamed, "boys don't play with dolls son!" Usually if I found them with a doll in their hands, in the next minute or so, the doll would be strapped to the top of a remote control truck slamming into a tree. I've enjoyed watching how their interests naturally gravitate to masculine things.
With Ellie, I have noticed she likes baby dolls and teddy bears. I also have noticed she sure does like her brothers' rescue heroes and choo-choo trains.
Today as we were eating lunch, I looked at her and hanging out of her mouth was a plastic black widow spider about 6 inches across the middle!! That was not very feminine! However, the huge smile across her face (underneath the spider legs) was priceless. Maybe having a tomboy isn't so bad after all!!

The Stow-a-way

2008-12-06T00:36:00.001-05:00

Having 5 children, it seems there is always something going on. Lately, we've been dealing with allergy issues in this area for our newest little one. As the fussiness got worse, I felt like she probably was fighting off an infection of some sort, so off to the Doctor I went.

It wasn't that I was really in a hurry. I was actually only running a couple of minutes behind. Does it really make a difference, when you have to sit in a waiting room forever anyways??

Halfway to the office, I hear something in the van. I turned around to see my 5 year old David, grinning from ear to ear. Ok, so maybe it would've been cute, adorable, flattering even that he wanted to be with me...EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HE HAD dirty play clothes, dirt on his face, and no shoes. Charming? That was not the word I was thinking of.

I was slightly annoyed that I had a stow-a-way to deal with. And a barefoot stow-a-way at that. What was I going to do? I couldn't go back home. I couldn't leave him in the van? So I called my sister, who told me to just take him with me in the office, bare feet and all.

And that is just what I did. As the Doctor looked over Ellie he asked, "And who do we have here?" I then relayed my story, a little annoyed still. The grandfatherly doctor laughed, opened a drawer, looked at David with a smile on his face and said, "Hey ya want a sucker?" as he tossed it over, "how bout a sticker too?" Thanks a lot.

Lesson learned by the little guy: stow-a-ways get suckers and stickers.

The Early Bird

2008-12-06T00:23:00.000-05:00

It seems so long ago, I rose at 5am to leave at 6am on Sunday mornings. College days, to prepare you for life. Who needs sleep, when bus kids are going hungry, without anyone to care for them. You did whatever it took, to help the bus kids.

Fast forward 10 years.

To bed at midnight. Why? The baby is teething, finally after Tylenol, Ora-gel, homeopathic teething tablets, singing, rocking, and nursing AGAIN, she is asleep. 1:30am, Nathan rolls off of his bed, up again. (Was I ever really asleep?) Back to bed, but wide awake now...it's nearing 2am. Doze off for an hour or so...up to use the bathroom, check on kids blankets...back to bed at 3:30am. Up at 4:30 to nurse the baby. 5am, the baby is wide awake and slapping me in the face...the sun is up, she thinks it is play time. Baby drifts off to sleep around 6am. I feel like I have not even slept? Do I get up now while the house is quiet, to have my devotions, only to fall asleep? Or do I sleep for one more hour? I opt to sleep just one more hour, I can read my Bible when I wake up. Just a short while later, I feel someone patting my arm, "Momma, I peed the bed." Up again to run bath water and make coffee.

Am I supposed to function at this critical level of slumber deficiency? Barely. And what of my spirit and disposition? I'm a zombie on a caffeine high for at least 2 hours. How do I put up with my husbands jokes about my morning coffee? It's easy, I don't have the energy to clobber him.

They say the early bird gets the worm. As far as I'm concerned, he can have it, I don't even like worms!